When Your Son’s Anger Scares You: The Hidden Truth Behind Teen Violence-Inspired by Netflix’s Adolescence

The Netflix series Adolescence attempts to raise awareness of social influences on the teenage mind and maybe also with the hope to show us the chaos of their mind — but for me watching as a Family Therapist, I don't just see the influence of the social media, but more complex issues that have not been shown or voiced in the series.

Let's start with the violence, when-masculinity-turns-violent-what-the-netflix-series-adolescence-gets-right-and-what-it-doesn-tthe breakdowns, and the emotional shut-downs hit a little too close to home. You’re not watching a fictional drama. You’re watching your kitchen table. Your hallway. Your teenager.

And what’s worse — society is still getting it wrong.

Because this isn’t just about ‘troubled teens. ’It’s about a system that’s failed to teach boys how to feel without fury, and families how to reconnect when everything feels broken.

In this first blog in the adolescence series, we’re breaking down the real reasons behind violent teen behaviour — and what needs to change.

Let’s talk about what Adolescence gets right, where it misses the mark, and how we can actually help families who are living this story in real life.

What the Show Gets Right: This Is What Crisis Looks Like

There’s no denying that Adolescence captures the emotional volatility of real-life family crisis.

The outbursts. The slamming doors. The chaos that erupts without warning.

These aren’t ‘bad kids.’ They’re dysregulated kids and whose families have no tools to respond.

What most people don’t see is this : Aggression is not the root problem. It’s the symptom.

What’s underneath is far more complex, and to name a few:

• Teens who’ve witnessed violence and don’t know how to process it

• Children raised inside emotional neglect who now scream just to be seen

• Families where no one knows how to talk without hurting each other

• Parents who were never given the blueprint for safety, so they freeze or explode

• Teens who feel emotionally parentified — carrying the family’s shame, anger, or grief

• Intergenerational trauma that’s never been named

• Unprocessed diagnoses (like autism, ADHD, PTSD) that mask as defiance

• Poor support from the systems that fall short

  
  

So yes, Adolescence shows the explosion. But it doesn’t show the years of silence before it. Or the work needed to repair after or how to break the cycle.

Where It Misses the Mark: Masculinity Isn’t the Enemy — But Silence Is

Adolescence tries to point a finger at toxic masculinity — and it should. But it stops short of showing the full truth.

The real danger isn’t anger. It’s the emotions. It’s the decades of cultural conditioning that taught boys:

• “Don’t cry.”

• “Man up.”

• “Don’t be weak.”

And taught girls:

• “Hold the family together.”

• “Keep the peace.”

• “Don’t make it worse.”

  
  

This isn’t just about gender roles — it’s about emotional survival scripts that get passed down across generations.

Fathers who were never allowed to be soft. Mothers who were taught to absorb everyone else’s emotions while ignoring their own.

Each generation raises the next from the blueprint they inherited — until someone decides to break the pattern.

Violence becomes the language when there’s no vocabulary for grief, fear, or emotional pain. And what fills the silence when there’s no model for vulnerability… is rage.

How Gender and Generational Beliefs Shape Parenting

The way we raise boys and girls isn’t neutral — it’s a reflection of our values, wounds, and unconscious stories.

Many parents today were raised in households where:

• Fathers expressed authority through control, not connection.

• Mothers protected peace by staying silent.

• Emotional expression was either punished or pathologised.

So when they now face a teenager whose pain shows up as violence, they don’t know what to do. Because they were never taught how to feel, let alone teach someone else to.

And parenting isn’t happening in a vacuum. Culture, race, religion, and lived experience all shape how we view:

• Power

• Respect

• Discipline

• Emotions

• What it means to be “a good parent”

This is why advice from Instagram or generic parenting books fails. They don’t account for the full story.

The Real Cost: What Families Are Living Through

Families dealing with teen aggression are exhausted. They’ve tried therapy. Books. Parenting programs. Boundaries. Bribes. Punishments. Nothing works — at least not for long.

Why?

Because most interventions focus on the child. But the behaviour isn’t living inside just one person. It’s living inside the system.

Aggression happens when the family structure is out of alignment.

When communication is broken. When leadership has collapsed. When the child becomes both the scapegoat and the SOS signal.

And parents feel stuck. Because no one has shown them how to lead through this storm — without breaking themselves in the process.

What Actually Works: Family Systems Change

As a family therapist and creator of the Thriving Together Parenting (TTP) Method, I work with families in full-blown crisis.

We don’t start with sticker charts or time-outs.

We start with a full diagnostic:

🧠 What’s happening emotionally, relationally, structurally, and generationally.

🗺️ What patterns are being repeated.

🧱 What needs to be rebuilt — from the ground up.

And from there, we co-create a strategy — not a one-size-fits-all plan, but one tailored to your family’s actual system.

That’s when the aggression stops. That’s when trust is repaired. hat’s when peace becomes the new pattern.

This is the part Adolescence didn’t show. But it’s the only path that works.

If Aggression Is In Your House — You’re Not Alone.

You don’t have to live on eggshells. And you don’t have to wait for another breakdown to get support.

Inside my Anger & Aggression Masterclass, I teach you:

• Why the rage is happening

• What’s actually underneath it

• How to respond without freezing, exploding, or backing off

• And how to start shifting the emotional climate at home — even if things feel impossible

  
  

You can take the class on its own. Or bundle it with my most foundational trainings in the Behaviour Breakthrough Bundle — designed for parents like you.

👉 Explore the Masterclass

👉 Save with the Bundle

Pei-I

🌈There's always hope, endless hope.