Teen aggression in Schools

Why the Edinburgh School Support Crisis Matters for Parents (Read the article here) — And What It Reveals About Teen Behaviour and Emotional Strain

Recently, reports from Edinburgh have highlighted a worrying trend: hundreds of school support staff have quit within months of starting, and educators are warning that young people’s mental health is being undermined with “catastrophic results.” 

These headlines are about staffing and education policy — but when we look beneath the surface, they point to a deeper experience that many families feel every day: our young people are struggling emotionally, and the systems around them aren’t equipped to hold them.

As a family and systemic psychotherapist and parenting specialist, I want to explore what this means for parents and teenagers — especially when behaviour becomes difficult, out of control, or emotionally overwhelming.

What the Numbers Don’t Show

It’s one thing to read that support staff are quitting. It’s another to see how that lack of consistent emotional support plays out in real life for all involved:

• classes with fewer staff members

• reduced capacity to respond to emotional distress

• overwhelmed teachers and suppor staff trying to manage behaviour and wellbeing

• less time for meaningful support for children who are struggling

• Staff burnout

• violence against staff members

  
  

For teenagers — especially those already dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, neurodivergence, or emotional dysregulation — this can feel like everything is harder and no one is noticing.

For parents at home, it’s fear, frustration, exhaustion.

The reality is that when a system (like a school) is under pressure, the emotional load shifts into families — and parents become the main source of support without necessarily having tools, time, or training to meet it, and vice versa.

Why Teens Split Between School and Home

Teenagers are incredibly good at splitting (and to be frank, we all are as it's our instinct to ensure our survival)

They may pretend everything is ok at school — holding it together, staying quiet, appearing “fine.”Then they come home and fall apart.

Or they may be labelled “challenging” at school, while parents see fear, exhaustion, or distress at home.

Young people adapt to each environment differently because they’re trying to stay safe. But when school and home don’t talk — or don’t share the same understanding — the teen ends up carrying the emotional load alone.

They hear:“You’re fine at school.”“You’re out of control at home.”“Why can’t you just behave?”

And slowly, the message becomes: Something is wrong with me.

This Isn’t a School or a Family Problem — It’s a Systems Problem

When schools and families work in isolation, behaviour gets misunderstood.

What looks like defiance is often dysregulation.What looks like aggression is often fear without language.What looks like avoidance is often a nervous system saying “I can’t cope.”

Real change happens when everyone holds the same lens:

• seeing behaviour as communication

• understanding emotional overload

• focusing on skill-building, not punishment

  
  

Teenagers need to be taught:

• how to recognise what they’re feeling

• how to calm their body

• how to ask for help

• how to recover after things go wrong

  
  

And parents and schools need support and skills to respond in ways that don’t escalate the system further.

Difficult Teenage Behaviour Is attributed to their unspoken emotions

Whether it’s outbursts, withdrawal, defiance, or refusal, what we label as behaviour problems are often the visible part of emotional struggle.

When young people don’t have enough support in school — when their distress isn’t seen, met, or held — they carry that strain home. Their behaviour then becomes the way they express overwhelm because:

• their nervous system is overloaded

• they don’t have skills to regulate big emotions

• they don't have skills to express how they are feeling or what they are struggling with

• they feel misunderstood or unseen

• they lack safe relational spaces at school or home

  
  

Support staff quitting isn’t just a staffing issue. It chips away at the emotional infrastructure that helps young people manage their internal states.

When that support disappears, the stress doesn’t disappear — it shows up in behaviour.

What Families Can Do — A Systemic, Relational Approach

Parents can feel helpless when support systems are stretched and behaviour feels out of control. But there are ways to respond that make a real difference:

1. See behaviour as communication

Behaviour is not random. It’s the body’s way of expressing unmet needs, overwhelmed emotions, or unmet relational connection.

2. Notice your own emotional experience first

Before trying to change their behaviour, ask:What am I feeling right now in response?This slows the system and keeps you regulated.

3. Build emotional safety before rules

Rules matter, but only when the nervous system feels safe enough to follow them. Families where emotions can be named without shame have fewer explosions.

4. Teach skills, not punishments

Teenagers often lack emotional vocabulary and regulation skills. These need to be taught and modelled, not enforced.

Teaching your teens the Skills

When young people learn regulation skills, behaviour changes.When parents feel supported, reactions soften.When schools understand what’s underneath behaviour, responses become safer.

This is where collaboration matters — not blame.

Because teenagers don’t need another place where they’re “failing.”

They need adults who are willing to say:

“Maybe this isn’t about trying harder. Maybe it’s about learning something new — together.”

With these new skills learned, they can be transfered to the school context and vise versa.

If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed at Home

You’re not alone — and there is another way. At Rainbow Parenting Practice, I help families move from survival to connection, especially when teenagers’ behaviour feels overwhelming, aggressive, unpredictable or out of control.

Through my therapeutic parenting programmes, parents learn to understand what behaviour is communicating and how to build safety, connection, and resilience in their homes.

👉 Learn more about working with me here.

Because when behaviour is seen through the lens of emotion and relationship — not just discipline and control — families begin to find calm, connection, and real change.

🌈There's always hope, endless hope.

Pei-I