How would you feel when your date doesn’t ask you out for a second date? How would you feel after 3, or 5 or 10 individual dates with different people, and no one asks you out for a second date?? Devastated. 😥 The first time, you probably will talk yourself around, saying.. I don’t like him/her anyways. It’s their loss. 2nd time, 3rd time? You will still talk yourself around to make yourself feel better.. But… the big but.. After 10 dates with 10 different people and no one asks you back for a second date. You will eventually reach a place where you doubt yourself. You start to think.. Is it me?? Am I not likeable or lovable? Is it my hair? My face? Did I come across too keen? Too shy? too much or too little? It must be me because no one asks me out again.. You will lose your confidence in yourself. You will start feel wary about going on more dates. Let me say this “It’s NOT YOU” but I know it’s not going to change how you really feel until you actually have got asked for 2nd date so that you can stop your self-doubts. Now .. thinking about your teen…. They need you to spend time with them even their behaviour is saying otherwise, because when you don't spend time with your time, You teen will eventually feel “ I am not lovable and It’s me” too, if you … don’t make them feel valued or loved always choose to work on your business or other priorities before you choose your teen don’t try to understand what your teen is going through as a teen and their feelings by spending time with them and talking to them Your teen will eventually not want to speak or spend time with you. It is important for you to prioritise your teen, and that means you will show up for them, be available and be there for them everyday. Start with scheduling quality time with your teenager, and Take your teen out on a date to connect with them, to find out what's happening in their life, and what they are feeling and thinking. There are many different ways you can spend time with your teen and doesn't always have to involve a lot of money, such arrange a movie night, play a game together, bake together...etc. There maybe times, your teen will act like they don't want to spend time with you or are busy with their friends. If it's the former, don't panic, simply tell your teen that your date with them is important and you are looking forward to it. If your teen has a busy social and school life, you would still want to make sure that you have time together, and in addition to this, there are another 3 ways stay connect with your teen. This does wonders. Ask your teen where they would like to go on a date.. Until then, Remember, 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope Warmly Pei-I Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method . The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story. Start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here

Have you really got over it – your feelings.. really? The other day, my parent client said that he’s got over it. I was curious how he got over it. He said that he kept himself busy and distracted. This reminded me of me when I was in my early 20s. When I was upset, angry or disappointed, I did nothing about any of my feelings. I kept myself busy and after a wee while, I collapsed. I felt down, and I would have a good cry. Then I told myself ok now "I got over it". Move on. Really though? I never really got over it. We cannot get over something without processing our feelings and making sense of our experiences. But what it really did was… - Left so many unresolved issues and feelings in my body, mind and soul. - Made me less resilient because it felt like every little thing could break me - Made me even angrier and troubled - Made me bitter and mad at everyone around me When in fact…. It was me that I really needed to look into. ( I am not saying that others were wrong and I was right) What I am saying is that it would have been really helped if I was able to simply acknowledge my feelings, allow myself to feel what I was feeling and sit with them no matter how uncomfortable they were. I would have been able to process my feelings and to learn more about myself along the way. I didn’t respect my feelings enough. 😥 I was mad at everyone for not thinking about my feelings. Now knowing what I know, it was me that needed to respect my own feelings. My feelings mattered My feelings matter My feelings will continue to matter. You probably feel the same as a parent because talking about feelings are uncomfortable at times. It’s a universal challenge in fact. People don’t talk about the feelings as often as they need to. How often do you hear your friends share that they are upset about things and the advice given is more likely to be – don’t be upset and here’s what to do. Your teens are facing lots of challenges and problems in the 21st century, including mental health, bullying, peer pressure, drug/alcohol, academic work, social life...etc, and the 1st step to help your teens solve these problems, are not to solve problems, but to help them recognise their feelings when facing these challenges. Your teens need you to be their emotion coaches. Help your teens recognise what their feelings are Help your teens talk about their feelings Help your teens process their feelings and make sense of their feelings It’s very important interpersonal and life skill they absolutely need to have. But….but.. the big but.. It all starts with you.. ❓How are you doing with respecting your feelings? Warmly Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method . The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story. If you would like to experience immediate impactful and positive change at home, start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

I have been thinking about changing the name of my course Unite 2023 – now called Having a good relationship with your teen in 14 days and its pricing. However, I felt unable to because I have talking about it so much on social media, emails and ads. I feel that I have gone too far to change it. I always keep my words and follow through. I feel that if I change the name of the course then I am compromising my commitment to families, and if I change the pricing then it would be unfair. This morning, I woke up feeling so strongly that I am definitely changing the name of the course and pricing because I am not aligned to the pricing and name anymore. It doesn’t feel right My mind shifted – me changing the name and pricing doesn’t compromise my commitment but demonstrating that I am committed to families and I am willing to make change to make it right for me and them. ( Our minds can really trick us) As soon as I made the decision, I feel liberated and I feel excited again. Sometimes you feel the same like I have been – you don’t feel right about the decisions you make that affect your teen and family life. Sometimes you feel – Opps. I have already said this, so I can’t take it back and I need to follow through and be consistent. You worry if you change direction or retract what you say – your lose your authority as a parent . These are normal feelings and thoughts. Whilst it's important to say that consistency is really important without the doubt because this gives your teens security and safety knowing what they can expect from you. This doesn't mean that whatever you says need to be followed through if they are not in the best interest of your teen and your family. You need to know that you don't lose your authority just because you change your mind. What's important to know is why you are changing your mind and how you are going to explain to your teen. These are two very important questions. We all make mistakes and it's ok to make mistakes. You want to teach your teens that it's ok to make mistakes and you find ways to rectify the mistakes. You as a parent being able to put your hand up (like I just did) and admit that maybe the decision you make is not the best for your teen or others. It’s about how you explain to your teen.. you can say something like… “ Penny, I have been thinking about you being grounded for a month, now having sometime to think about this, it didn’t feel right and I made a decision when I was angry so I am sorry about this, what will happen is …..”. See, you are teaching your teen that it’s ok to make mistake. You are showing your teen that you are staying in control. you are thinking about them and how the decisions affect their life. You are being a good role model. Your teen will appreciate you and love you even more for this. It’s never too late to change direction or a decision you make that affects your teen’s life. It’s always about “How” you go about it. Warmly Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method . The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story. If you would like to experience immediate and impactful positive change at home, start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

Have you found yourself attend every parenting class and read every parenting book only to find out that they don’t work for you as a parent when it comes to parent your teens with challenging behaviour? Many parents have walked this path as I have had the privileges to help many of them to come out of this exhausting and hopeless cycle. The following are the insights from my experience. ✅ They don’t and can’t tell you what your unique family blueprint is. This is your unique family make up that involves around your family’s interaction, affection, emotional involvement, behaviour, beliefs and values. There are also life adversaries and your experiences of being parented to be thought about. ✅ The strategies are too general and universal. This means that there’s no one size fits all strategy because your family is one of the kind and everyone in it. Every family circumstances are different. Individual needs are different. They need to be considered when developing a parenting strategy ✅ They don’t have a full understanding of your teens’ challenging behaviour and unable to provide you with a extensive analysis of the challenges you are facing, such as what keeps the challenging behaviour going at home, what’s trigger it … etc. ✅ The parenting strategy may not be targeting the right contributing factors that triggers or keep the challenging behaviour going. If your teen’s aggressive behaviour is as a result of sensory challenges due to ASD, and you try to manage the aggressive behaviour by giving your teen consequences. This is not going to work. ✅ They don’t show you in details as to how you implement the parenting strategies effectively. There are many factors to think about when trying a new parenting strategy, such as how you are introducing new rules, how many rules, who gets to be involved, what happens when your teens don’t agree with the new rule, but given it’s too general, you are already not setting up for success. ✅ They don’t show you how you evaluate or review how the parenting strategy is working out for you or not, so that you can learn to make all strategies work for you. Instead, when you hit a block, you mind goes to “ it doesn’t work”. It’s true, it doesn’t. If you are tired of being in this cycle of trying everything but nothing works, the best way to help your teens with the stuff they are struggling with and break the cycle of their challenging behaviour, is through my TTP method. The TTP method resolves all the issues stated above and can help you have the harmonious family life where you can watch your teens thrive and have a better relationships at home in 90 days. Now, you can jump into our Heal Family First Method: 5 day taster  where you get to experience instant positive change at home using the TTP principles.  Book here. Warmly Pei-I 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

Parenting is challenging in itself. It becomes even more complicated by having to parent with another person. I have seen a lot of couples growing apart to the point of family breaking down because of this very reason. They all want to find the strategies to help their teens, but they struggle to understand and support each other's approaches, beliefs and values. What this creates is additional stress and pressure on your teens who are already struggling, watching their parents argue or struggle in their very eyes. So why is co-parenting challenging? Each of us has our own ideas/expectations of what parenting is, that are largely based on our own experiences of being parented. We have our own parenting styles. We carry our own family scripts and beliefs from our original family and experiences of life circumstances, i.e., if you are taught to value education by your parents, then it’s more likely you would teach your children/teens of the same value. How you instil this value to your children/teens is another layer of challenge. Let’s think about what if your partner doesn't come from a family that value education and have different plans/expectations of your teens? Your beliefs, values and expectations are really powerful imprinted scripts and drivers that determine how you parent. If you are able to communicate well about your intention then it makes co-parenting so much easier. For example, if you struggle to discipline your teens when they break a family rule, you will want to tell your partner that you struggle with this because you were never brought up this way, and you feel bad about grounding them so then it's easier for you to give in. You need support to be able to follow this through. When you do nothing, it is when conflicts, frustration and resentment come in to your relationship. Sadly, from my observation parents don't always able to communicate well. I have seen so many parents argue over their teens' school, friendships, social media use, engagement with family and pro-social activities, gaming, their relationships with their teens, academic performance, anti-social behaviour in the community, their teens' vulnerability i.e. self- harming, depression, anxieties, and their diagnosis ADHD, autism, OCD and so on. Their intentions are always the same - they want to help theirs teens who's struggling so much to be happy and thrive. However, their noble intent are often lost in the accumulated overwhelming feelings. Now, we can see how ineffectual co-parenting can actually break a couple and a family if you constantly have to argue about the best approach and strategies to parent your teens. If you are in this place, I'd like to share 3 simple universal strategies to help you to co-parent better so that you can parent and help your teens with the stuff they are struggling with more effectively. Co-parenting more effectively is the 1st step. Here are the 3 simple strategies. 1st strategy is the ability to “Pause”. Hit that Pause button requires self-discipline, ability to recognize your feelings and recognise an argument is potentially brewing. When we are emotionally charged, it’s less likely that we will have the capacity to communicate our feelings and thoughts constructively. We all have the experiences of saying things we don’t mean when we are angry and end up hurting each other. We want to start practicing “pausing” before we even get there. So, when you sense that you or your partner are getting worked up during a conversation, hit the “Pause” button and tell each other that pausing is needed. Come back to discuss matters when you are both in a calmer state of mind. 2nd strategy is to appreciate your partner in all aspects. We as human beings have the tendency to find faults in others and it’s our critical-self stepping out of boundaries. We need to learn to reign this in and focus on the efforts, attitudes, time and energy that our partner gives and learns to appreciate them. Co-parenting is much better and easier when we are able to focus on each other’s strengths. 3rd strategy to strengthen your relationship with your partner. Having a better relationship with each other makes it easier to communicate and compromise because we are more likely to care about each other’s feelings and appreciate their opinions. We are also more likely to listen and respect their views. When you are constantly arguing, bitterness, anger and resentment grow in our hearts. It makes us angry. It creates rupture in our relationships without being acknowledged and worked through. Here's an exercise that you can try with your partner. 1. Find out what your warning signs are (when you are starting to feel angry or upset), and do the same for your partner. When you see any warning signs, Pause!!! Regroup when you both are feeling more settled. 2. Express appreciation at least once a day to your partner. Script: Thank you for backing me up today, I appreciate your support Script: I know it was a difficult conversation you had with our son today, I want you to know that you did all that amazingly by yourself. Thank you for doing that. 3. Devote your complete attention to having a pleasant conversation with your partner at least once a day; spend some quality time together, go on a date night, keep intimacy alive, having fun together…etc. The exercises here are some simple ways to try out for immediate results. Every couple and family are different, find your appreciation for your person. Find your ways to strengthen your relationship, and practice to pause whenever wherever you can. Invite your partner to join you on this journey and transform the ways you parent together. until then 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope. Pei-I If you are struggling with co-parent, join our 90 minute workshop Parenting on the same page intensive here.

Yesterday I made an announcement in my Facebook Group that I am closing my group. It took me some time to announce this in the group because I needed time to work through the emotional process. I was feeling guilty. I was feeling that I have let the parents down. I was feeling incompetent and disappointed in myself. I felt that I am losing something important to me, something I have worked hard to build and more. It was really difficult to let go even I knew logically it’s the right thing to do. You know why? One of the reasons is MY EXPECTATION OF MYSELF that is making it hard for me to let go. (the other main reason is about attachment, you can listen to me talking about attachment here (https://on.soundcloud.com/LA8SF) You are going through a similar process when parenting a teen, regardless if their behaviour is challenging or not. Letting go and moving on are part of the parenting/family journey. Your teen is growing up. At the same time, both you and your teen are moving on to the next stage of the family life cycle. The process brings up a lot of feelings that don’t get to be spoken about or acknowledged. These feeling can be very crippling just like what they did with me when trying to close my FB group. These feelings are partly driven by your EXPECTATIONS of yourself as a parent and your teen. Checking in with yourself to see if the expectations of yourself and teen are realistic is important, because if they are not, you are running a risk of crushing yourself as a parent and teen. You are also running a risk of your teen becoming increasingly challenging in their behaviour because of the pressure, yet withering inside as their confidence is being shattered by not meeting your expectations. You are also running a risk of damaging your relationship with your teen because they can never feel good about themselves around you and that you can never see how well they do. This is what helped me to work through my emotional process - readjusting the expectation of myself. What I set up for myself was unrealistic and crazy😂 Once I have readjusted this. It made the emotional process easier because they no longer held me hostage. Are your expectations of yourself and teen realistic? Now, let's talk about your teen who's struggling. It's important to remember that the only way your teen knows how to show you that they are struggling is to through their behaviour which you may find it challenging. Here's what happened.. Before you teen was born, you already had all the ideas and expectations of how they would be, what kind of people they are, what types of the sports or musical instruments that you want them to play, which schools to go to....etc. You built up this image of your future teen, and only came to learn that your teen is not what and who you think would be or is. A lot of people will probably tell you that you are grieving for the loss - a phantasy teen. Here's my perspective. There is no loss here, based on experiences and observation, you can not grieve for something you have not had. 7 stage of grief including shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and acceptance and hope according to Kübler-Ross. I wonder if you have grieved for the million pound business that you wanted to make but not yet made it ?? Have you grieved for a very expensive LV bag that you didn't manage to purchase? I trust the answer is no, Why? Because you never had it in the first place. It's most likely that your feelings of disappointment, sadness, frustration, anger and guilt are the result of your EXPECTATIONS of yourself and teens are not being met. You expected your teens to be well behaved - but they are not you expected your teens to go to school everyday - but they skip school everyday you expected you to have a good relationship with your teen - but it's far from that you When these expectations are not met, you experience similar feelings as loss. Your brain and the limbic system are tricking you. It is a bit like a loyal fan who feels devastated when their most beloved celebrity walks pass them but never even says hi. What happens here is that they build up the phantasy that they have a relationship with them, and their emotional brain is saying you are upset. The fan expects the celebrity to behave in certain ways based on their phantasy, but the reality is - there is no genuine relationship between the fan and the celebrity. Once when the fan allows their logical brain to do its' job not driven by phantasy, they will quickly learn that there's nothing to be upset about and their expectation is unrealistic. So how do you find the balance for reasonable and realistic expectations? ✅ Same principle, readjust your expectation of yourself and your teens in order to release you and them from the phantasy (how you think you teen will be, your imagination). ✅ Accept your teens for who they are. Their difficult or challenging behaviour is just a symptom not a cause. Find effective ways to help your teens to navigate the challenges and of course, with a realistic expectation going forward. ✅ Pay attention to your teen's feelings and what their facial expression, verbal communication is telling you about your expectations? If you feel that they are struggling with meeting your expectation. It will be a good time to re-evaluate them. Having a realistic expectation really is another important key to break the cycle of your teen's challenging behaviour. Warmly Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method . The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story. Start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

Why Parenting Strategies Aren’t Working for Your Teenager — And What You Need Instead In my previous blog, I mentioned the challenges of managing difficult teenager behaviour and how teens are simply misunderstood. In this article, I will address one of the crucial elements in my TTP method that is to look at Your Unique Family Blueprint. The simplest way to talk about “Your Unique Family Blueprint” is that this is the makeup of your family. This encompasses you as a person, your life experiences before you have a family and when you have a family with another person who also has life experiences of their own. Let’s start with you. Have you ever watched “Who do you think you are” - a very popular UK show helping celebrities trace their family tree and history. The show has a lot of viewers because everyone wants to know who they are, where they are coming from, how their families were raised, how they became who they are and how these things impact on the future line of the families . The truth is when you learn about yourself, your family history and the impact of your life experiences and adversaries, it helps you make sense of your life. It also helps you better understand who you really are, including your values, your beliefs, your expectations, your relationships, your thoughts, your behaviours and your feelings, and so on. It is important to understand how these elements drive and shape you. Why? Because when it comes to making sustainable change in your family, you need to know the roots, tackle the causes, not the symptoms. Your teen’s challenging behaviour, your difficult relationship with your partner, the hostile communication style, the constant argument at home, the struggles to ask for help, or say no to your teens are good examples of symptoms. The causes are the “WHYS” that you need to find out. Why is your teen’s behaviour becoming increasingly challenging? Why are you always fighting your other half when it comes to parenting? Why are you struggling to ask for help when you really need it?? Why does every conversation end up in arguments at home? Why do you choose to give your partner silent treatment instead of talking things through? Without knowing the “WHY”, it’s literally impossible for you to make any sustainable change at home. I have heard a lot of families saying we tried this and that parenting strategy and it worked for awhile but then it didn’t. If you are reading my blog, I hypothesize that you probably have similar experiences. One of the reasons that parenting strategies don’t work long term is because these parenting strategies are too universal when they really need to be more specific to your Unique Family Blueprint and family circumstances. Now, you probably are thinking…. How can you know the “WHYS”. It's a very important question to answer, but before I dive into the WHYS, let’s look at what your Unique Family Blueprint really means in my TTP world. In my perspective, it is about why and what drives your family to behave, think and feel as a unit and as an individual in certain ways, including: ✅how your family interacts, relates, communicates, loves, repairs, argues, fights, connects and involves emotionally and so on ✅how your individual beliefs, expectations values and experiences of being parented come into play when you interact with your family ✅how your life experiences, vulnerabilities, and any significant life events and adversaries happened in your life impacts on you and your family ✅how does your family operate in the systems around you and be influenced by the systems around you. This is the very first and the most important step in my TTP method for the above reasons. I love learning about families’ life stories, their ups and downs, their strengths and struggles, their cries and joy, their relationships and fights, and what they did to overcome life adversaries and how their families arrived at the place where they are today. This gives me phenomenal insights on their Unique Family Blueprint. I can then help families make sense of these and explore the WHYS with them together. In turn, this gives us the weapon to develop strategies that meet the family’s unique needs and achieve sustainable outcomes. You can now see why the parenting classes/programmes you attended, the parenting books you read, the podcasts you listened to can not help you find effective and sustainable strategies. For sure, there are things you can do to help understand the WHYS, you can find out the whys from your observations, from the lessons you learned from the past, from feedback you receive, but in reality, you really need an EXPERT to help you unpick the WHYS by understanding your Unique Family Blueprint so that you can truly understand your family and to learn impactful ways to manage the challenges at home with ease and success. Mary’s Story with her teenager Mary was a good example. She attended a very reputable teen parenting programme, and was taught to put consequences around her son's use of social media. She was so happy that she learned something that could potentially be helpful. She went home, did what she was advised. She got a blackeye from it. Why? The trainer taught her the strategies without knowing her family background and her Unique Family Blueprint. What Happens When You DO Understand the Blueprint? This is the work I do inside my 90-day method — where we don’t just hand you strategies. We build  them with you, using deep insight into your family system. We don’t start with “what to do.” We start with understanding the why — and from there, everything changes. 💡Parents go from living in fear to knowing how to de-escalate with clarity. 💡Communication rebuilds. 💡Boundaries become respected — not resented. 💡Troubled teenager behaviour stops. And it happens fast. Not because it’s a shortcut — but because we stop guessing. What’s Next If you’re stuck in strategies that don’t work — this is why. If you feel like you’re managing symptoms instead of solving problems — this is why. You don’t need more advice. You need the right lens. 👣 Book your Family Breakthrough Consultation Call  today and uncover your family’s unique blueprint. Let’s stop the cycle — and bring connection, safety, and clarity back home. 🌈 There’s always hope. Endless hope. Remember, 🌈there's always hope, endless hope Pei-I

I wrote about the challenges of managing difficult teenager behaviour, how teens are simply misunderstood and Your Unique Family Blueprint. In this article, I will address the other crucial element in my TTP method. Your family’s Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map (TTFBP). Before I dive in, let me ask you if you are the mum that reads every parenting book, attends every parenting class/programme, listens to every podcast, and consults Dr Google to help your troubled teen who is stuck in the patterns of challenging behaviour and only to find out that NOTHING WORKS? The reasons nothing you tried is working are because …. ✅ Parenting books/classes/programmes and podcasts can’t tell you what your unique family blueprint is. This is your unique family make up that involves your family’s interaction, affection, emotional involvement, behaviour, beliefs and values. There are also life adversaries and your experiences of being parented to be thought about. ✅ The parenting strategies you learned are too general and universal. This means that there’s no one size fits all strategy because your family is one of a kind and everyone in it. Every family's circumstances are different. Individual needs are different. They need to be considered when developing a parenting strategy ✅ They don’t have a full understanding of your teens’ behaviour and unable to provide you with a extensive analysis of the challenges you are facing, such as what keeps the challenging behaviour going at home, what’s triggering it … etc. ✅ The parenting strategy may not be targeting the right contributing factors that trigger or keep the challenging behaviour going. If your teen’s aggressive behaviour is as a result of sensory challenges due to ASD, and you try to manage the aggressive behaviour by giving your teen consequences. This is not going to work. ✅ They don’t show you in details as to how you implement the parenting strategies effectively. There are many factors to think about when trying a new parenting strategy, such as how you are introducing new rules, how many rules, who gets to be involved, what happens when your teens don’t agree with the new rule, but given it’s too general, you are already not setting up for success. ✅ They don’t show you how you evaluate or review how the parenting strategy is working out for you or not, so that you can learn to make all strategies work for you. Instead, when you hit a block, your mind goes “ it doesn’t work”. It’s true, it doesn’t. I understand you are worried about your teens, however, Here's my perspective. If you continue to do anything and everything without a clear understanding of the problems to help your teens, it’s more likely that you will continue to get stuck. Going on a vicious circle trying everything is not the answer to the difficulties you are facing at home. You will end up wasting more money, feeling burned out, feeling hopeless and helpless. I know this because I have seen many families walk this path. What you really need is a tool that can help you…. Fully understanding the underlying reasons/drivers that are driving your teen's behaviour or the difficult relationships at home or parental/couple relationships. Target the right thing at the right time. This means you need to know what to focus on 1st, what strategy to use so that you can have the most powerful change immediately. Implement the strategies consistently and evaluating them regularly. No parenting strategies work at the 1st go because there are a lot of things involved when trying a new parenting strategy. You need to think about the hows, whens, whos and what ifs. After that, you need to think about evaluating what works and what doesn't and how you can tweak them to make them work. My Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map is the tool to show you how to do all the above things and more. It gives you the answers to your problems that you have been looking for to help your troubled teens who get stuck in the patterns of concerning behaviour. Best yet, it also shows you how to capture all the positives or/and strengths in your family so that you can continue to leverage them and celebrate small successes on a daily basis. The only caviar of this is that you need an EXPERT to show you how to do this to begin with. My Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taster will give you the experience of the TTP Method. “ Ina and her husband Michael have been struggling with their teens since they were toddlers. The constant fighting and aggression created a lot of disharmony at home. Ina and Eric said that they have been grieving for the harmony at home. It was very sad for me to hear. They have tried reading parenting books, attending parenting classes/ programmes, and having their teens attend therapy sessions. Nothing has made a difference in their family life. The family has not been able to have dinner together for many years. Just like every family, they were really sceptical about my TTP method , and worried if this would lead to another disappointment and waste of money. They also wondered if it’s really possible to change the family dynamics and overcome their challenges in 90 days. They took courage and started with my 5 day mini taster. After 1 session where we looked at the family’s behavioural map, the family had their 1st dinner together ever after so many years of struggle. By the 3rd night, the whole family had an amazing dinner time and Ina and Eric have seen positive improvement in both teens’ behaviour. There were less arguments, fighting, swearing, aggression and They are more collaborative, relaxed and able to enjoy each other’s company. This is the impact of my TTP method , book a family breakthrough consultation call to find out your family's unique pathway to break the cycle and bring harmony back home. Remember, 🌈there's always hope, endless hope Pei-I P.S. You can also listen to me sharing more about the family behavioural map in this Podcast Episode. Go to Teen Talk here

I have been writing about the challenges of managing difficult teenager behaviour, how teens are simply misunderstood, Your Unique Family Blueprint and your Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map (TTFBP) . In this article, I will address the other important element in my TTP method - PEII Blueprint and how this can help address difficult family problems. As you all know that my name is Pei-I, and throughout my professional life, I have been working really hard to find the most effective and impactful way to help parents help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease and success. I found this important element in my name PEI-I. I even trademarked PEII Blueprint . It is a framework that incorporates some family therapy elements to allow any family to learn and see great results in the shortest time possible So what does PEII ( pronounced Pei-ee) Blueprint really stand for? P is for Positive Parenting Knowledge and skills in implementing parenting strategies consistently E is for Effective use of community around you - bring back the village 2.0 I is for improving your family relationships I is for improving how your family functions This literally is the only 4 building blocks you need to know to have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Let’s dive in a little more about what it really means. P - Positive Parenting Knowledge and skills in implementing parenting strategies consistently. There is much literature providing various meanings in positive parenting, but I like Godfrey’s (2019) interpretation the best, she suggested that “positive parenting is about teaching and disciplining our children in ways that build their self-confidence/self esteem and supports a respectful parent-child relationship without breaking your child’s spirit”. But what does it really mean in reality, in your unique family’s circumstances and needs; how do you do this in real life when your teen is literally driving you up the wall. It’s understandable that every situation escalates and every conversation could literally end up in an argument. There are indeed many parenting strategies you can try to help manage the challenges at home, but have you found that none of them stick or work sustainably for you? It is simply because knowing the strategies alone is not enough. There are a lot of variables that needs to be considered. (you can go back to my previous articles to find out why here) Human behaviour is a complex matter. Everything you do or don’t do is driven by your past experiences. It is not always a conscious process. Truth to be told, about 85% of your behaviour is an unconscious process. Therefore, as a parent, it is really important for you to better understand yourself and why you parent your teens in certain ways. I have talked about your unique family blueprint and this covers your experiences of being parented as this is most likely to influence your parenting style, which subsequently affects how you parent your teens and their future happiness and success. (I did a recording on this and you can listen here ) Once you understand your parenting styles, you can then look at your own strengths as a person and in the parenting knowledge and skills areas, and strengthen the areas that you are struggling with. In my TTP Method, I identified the most important 5 elements in the knowledge area, including Availability (developing trust), Acceptance (building self-esteem), Collaboration (feeling included and effective, Boundaries (learning to be safe and making appropriate choices), Emotions (building emotional literacy and managing feelings) and Connection and affection (emotional bonding) . Learning to master these areas and having the skills to implement them successfully and consistently, will help you see the powerful and positive change in your home real soon. E - Effective use of community around you - Bring Back The Village 2.0 I always say that it takes 2 villages to raise a teen, and this is in no way to undermine any parent. I have worked with hundreds of families and almost 90% of them struggle with the concept of asking for help for many reasons, including I don’t want to bother other people, it’s my family business and no one needs to know, it’s embarrassing to ask because they will think I am not a good mum, they have a lot going on themselves…etc. This is an unhealthy mindset that probably originates from your culture, your family of origin, your experiences of asking and receiving help and so on. The reality is we all need help in life. We are wired to connect and it’s not possible for us to do everything on our own. If you think about it, you are already using the village around you. There are 2 kinds of help - one is professional and one is social. You need both. For example, you send your teen to school so the teachers can help educate them, you go to your GPs when your teen is not well so the doctors can help with treatment, you ask your mum to collect your teen if you get caught up at work, and you probably send your teen to other family members or a sleepover at their friends when you need a bit of respite. See.. it can be very easy. The most important thing is to recognise that you need help, learn how to identify what you need and seek help in ways that empower you. Having support makes parenting easier. We all share the experience of feeling bad about asking for help or not wanting to bother others. Later, people tell us that we should have reached out. Sound familiar? I - Improving Your Family Relationships Family relationships can be very complicated but at the same time it’s one of the most satisfying and fulfilling relationships for your teens and yourself. Do you remember when your teen was 3 years old, and their whole worlds revolved around you. They followed you everywhere and listened to your instructions. However, things change when they enter adolescence. They have become their own people and are no longer that wee girl or boy who followed you everywhere. This is the hardest part of being a parent to a teenager. It’s not about your feeling that your teens don’t need you because they do. It’s the adjustment of your teens having their own thoughts and minds. You may find them disagreeing with you, back chatting, not doing what they are told, arguing with you and so on. These little things create ruptures in relationships with your teen, and if you don’t repair them or show your teen how to repair a relationship, your relationship with your teen can continue to deteriorate. Therefore, learning about how we form and repair relationships when there's a breakdown or fall out is imperative for creating a happier family life. Your teens learn from you so it's important you learn to model how you form healthy relationships and how you repair when there's a rupture. We all have an internal working model around how we form and repair relationships. It's important to know what they are. In addition to this, creating a nurturing home environment helps everyone in the family to thrive, and strengthen family relationships. Let’s not forget the importance of promoting positive communications, and expressing affections in ways that can be received as individuals and a family are also powerful skills to master. They will help improve any relationships at home. I - Improving How Your Family Functions I became a wife in May, 2023, and it’s a new role I am adopting. It changes my responsibilities too. It's like every family - There are different roles and responsibilities. When everyone in the family is clear with their roles and responsibilities, it stops a lot of unnecessary arguments, i.e. who's taking the bin out every Sunday who's speaking to the school about the stuff your teen is struggling with who's making dinner every night You have no idea how often me and my husband-to-be got into small arguments like this when we first moved in together. We now work well as a team and know exactly what we all need to do. It strengthens our relationship. Hence he proposed. This is one of the very important areas in order for a family to function well. Next is about your family’s ability to problem solve together. If you are able to, it fosters unity and cooperation and respect. Sometimes we are stuck in a cycle because we don't know how to move forward or are unaware what's causing us to be stuck. It is therefore helpful to gain understanding of our family life journey to help you move forward from unhelpful cycles and function better as a family unit. Finally, boundary is another important factor to be considered as well as control. There are physical boundaries such as family rules, and emotional boundaries. For your family to thrive, you need both. You also need to find the balance between boundaries and control to allow your family to function at its best. I did my best to make sure each part is as concise as it can be, and you can clearly see that it is not easy for your family to navigate this without input from an EXPERT if you are struggling to parent your troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour. Where do you even start? Good news is I can be that EXPERT for you. I can show you how to work through these 4 building blocks with ease and success as part of my TTP method and help you solve all difficult family problems. Find out how you can work with me here , or simply book a Family Breakthrough call and I will show you how to break the cycle at home and bring harmony back to your home in 90 days. Remember, 🌈there's always hope, endless hope Pei-I

Do YOU think it should be raised? Parenting and relationships experts are at odds over the effects of such a move - The Sun My thoughts on the age of consent? Being a professional working with children and young people for nearly 30 years, under-age sex has always been a concern for all professionals, and over the past 10 plus years, I have seen a significant increase of under age sexual activities due to the convenience of technology and social media use. It is worrying. We understand that teenagers are at the age of being curious about sex, and sexual activities, but it is important for the public and teenagers to understand that under-age sexual activity is a potential safeguarding (child welfare and child protection) concern in the UK. It is also everyone’s responsibility to report concerns to relevant professionals when you are worried about a child or a young person who may be involved in under age sexual activities. The scandal of Russell Brand was brought to my attention through a social media post ironically, and I shared my views on the age of consent in the article published by Fabulous Magazine, the Sun. In summary, the article noted that Pei-I Yang is the parenting specialist and expert in challenging teen behaviour behind Rainbow Parenting Practice . She has worked with many parents and young people who regret losing their virginity at 16 or younger, and believes the age of consent should be raised to 18, as research suggests the brain does not reach maturity until around age 25. “Many are still in the process of developing into their own person psychologically, emotionally, mentally, physically and socially,” she says. “There are a lot of overwhelming changes, and one of the last areas of brain development is the limbic and prefrontal cortex, required for good judgement and controlling impulses. “As a result, teens are more likely to make impulsive decisions. They tend to focus on the now and pleasure, not about consequences. “As well as protecting teenagers from being sexually exploited, raising the age of consent would reduce teenage pregnancy, strengthen public health and give teens more time to mature and be supported appropriately before they step into adulthood.” Do you feel as strongly as I do about the age of consent should be raised? On this note, I’d like to share with you my thoughts on the questions that were asked of me during the consultation process. Whilst the article is placing emphasis on the girls, my comments are inclusive of all teenagers. Do you believe the age of consent should be raised and if so, to what age? Yes, I do believe that the age of consent should be raised. Research has suggested that most young people don't reach full neurological, neuropsychological and psychological cognitive maturity until the age of 25. In addition to this, brain development can be affected by other factors, such as trauma, substance misuse, childhood experiences, abuse, mental health, life adversaries... and so on. What this means is that adolescents/young people will struggle to make better life choices and have the full capacity to make informed decisions about matters affecting their lives. How would raise age of consent benefit teenage girls? I think it's important for us to include teenage boys when thinking about age of consent. It appears that society tends to focus on the younger girls with older men. Equally, there are younger boys with older women. We need to provide support, education and pay equal attention to both teenage girls and boys. With regards to benefits, teenagers are still in the process of developing into their own person psychologically, emotionally, mentally, physically and socially in addition to their brain. There's a lot of overwhelming changes for them internally and externally, as such teenagers are more likely to make decisions impulsively or in the heat of the moment. They tend to focus on the now and pleasure whilst their consequential thinking is still to be developed. They are also learning how to become independent and developing life skills to help them enter adulthood. The minimum age of consent or the law is there to protect the young people from being sexually exploited or abused. With this in mind, I believe that with raising the age of consent, it shows that the government is taking an active role in protecting the teenagers from being harmed or/and exploited. It is a bit like a protective parent putting appropriate boundaries around their teenagers to help keep them safe - which is what all teenagers need. It also educates the public of the importance that we all have the responsibility to protect teenagers from being harmed. In addition to this, this will also reduce teenage pregnancy, strengthen public health and provide teenagers more time to mature emotionally and be supported appropriately before they step into adulthood. That said, raising the age of consent in itself is not sufficient. We also need to provide psycho-education for parents, teenagers, professionals and the public about the vulnerability of the young people regardless if there are other factors affecting their development. It's important to teach teenagers about respectful and healthy relationships, sex, consent, coercion, exploitation, risk around sex/unsafe sex and how to manage difficult and unsafe situations in the face of it. These front end interventions are extremely important and are one of the areas that I don't see enough support for teenagers and their parents. It is also important to promote awareness, and instil responsibilities to the public to report concerns to the relevant professionals when/if they are worried about a teenager maybe in harm's way. Are girls emotionally mature enough to consent to sex at 16? It's a very interesting question as I wonder what meaning the society has given to the number/age "16". What does it do for teenagers, adults and professionals around teenagers? It's a socially constructed idea and it means very different things in different cultures and eras too. There are a lot of overwhelming changes, and one of the last areas of brain development is the limbic and prefrontal cortex, required for good judgement and controlling impulses and with that said I don't think teenagers are likely to have the emotional maturity to consent to sex at the age of 16. Are some girls more vulnerable than others at 16? I think all teenagers are vulnerable just because of the nature of their development during the transition to adulthood. They are very likely to engage in risk taking behaviour. However, from my observations in my professional life, there are associated risks that make some teenagers more vulnerable than others, some examples include persistent absence from school, going missing, young people with additional needs, high family conflicts and difficult relationships at home, in addition to what I mentioned earlier - trauma, life adversaries, abuse...etc. Have you worked with girls/families who regret losing their virginity so young? Yes I have, and many of them have led to teenage pregnancy, and changed the course of their lives. What is your view on relationships between girls of 16/17 and older men? Bearing in mind it is legal for a man of any age who could be much older to have sex with a 16-year-old girl. Can this cause issues? I am answering the question based on the fact that it's a much much older man we are referring to here. This is quite a difficult question to answer because I hold my own beliefs and values on a professional, ethical and moral level. I do not encourage young people being in relationships as such for all the reasons I spoke above. Having said that, bearing in mind that there are always the rights of the young people we need to think about as their views are paramount when it comes to matters affecting their lives. It is a hard balance. What I think is important is that the young people are open about their relationships with their parents or/and trusted people around them as an additional measurement to safeguard them. It is my view that the law doesn't see this as illegal. It doesn't mean it is the right thing to do if we are looking at this issue through different lenses, for example the subject of abortion, people of faith would consider this is sinful in their faith, but this does not necessarily mean that it's illegal in the eyes of the law in certain countries. I have not come across a parent that encourages or supports their teenagers being in a relationship with a much much older person, and I believe this said volumes. A 16 year old and a 31 year old are in a very different stage of their life development, it is bound to have many challenges. Now, you must be wondering… What about the boys and age of consent? When I was consulted about my views on the age of consent, as you can see that I made a very important comment that we must think about the boys too when considering the age of consent. It seems that society has false beliefs that the boys are exempted from sexual abuse, exploitation and grooming. In the systematic review research of the state of the literature on sexually exploited boys internationally conducted by Monihan and her colleagues in 2018. It was found in 42 studies from 23 countries, providing evidence that sexual exploitation of boys is an issue in both high- and low-income countries. Boys are not exempted from potential harm. It is important for the public, professionals, the policy makers, social services and government to carefully consider the impact of the current age of consent on all teenagers to inform the policy and law going forward. With that said, if you are struggling to help your teenagers who are struggling, you can join our Restoring Harmony in 90 days to get real time support and work towards to your family's healing. Pei-I. 🌈There's always hope, endless hope.

I have been writing about the challenges of managing difficult teenager behaviour and how they are misunderstood, Your Unique Family Blueprint , Your Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map (TTFBP) and PEII Blueprint in the TTP Method . In this article, I will show you how everything unravels in the 90 days when we work together as if you are watching a film. But before I start, I would like to introduce you to the White Family (pseudonym to protect my clients’ confidentiality) and share their story with you. When I first met mum Irene, she was a successful solicitor. She dressed, and spoke well. There was a sophistication around her. I could see that from the outside, she’s got it all together. However, having worked with so many families, I also had an idea what her struggles would have been. The story started to unravel when I asked Irene how she was. She looked at me and bursted into tears. She said she hadn’t been sleeping well because she was constantly worried about Ben - her now 15 year old son and her relationship with David, her husband of 20 years. “Ben used to be a lovely boy. He was kind and caring although a handful sometimes. We have always been close but the teenage years have been depressing and difficult for me. I am trying to embrace the independence he needs but it is really hard. Sometimes I feel so angry about how he completely disregards my feelings and pushes me to my limits. I don’t know what normal teenage behaviour is and what ADHD really means for him and our family. I have always felt Ben’s behaviour is different since he was a wee boy, but no one would listen to me. They said I overthink too much. David and I managed and did our best although it was difficult sometimes. We still had a lot of fun. But since Ben went to secondary school, life has been tough. It has been one bad thing after another. First Ben was bullied in school. He was terrified of going to school. We tried to help him to feel safe and enjoy school, but nothing was working. My heart was broken for Ben. He eventually stopped going and spent a lot of time on his PS4. He turned night into days. We tried to get him to bed on time, cut off his internet, remove his PS4, but it just made Ben really aggressive and violent. He threw things at us, hit David, smashed the TV and I don’t know how much money we have spent on repairing things in the house. Once he went to the kitchen and got a knife to threaten us when we took his PS4 away. I was terrified. I am embarrassed that I am not able to control my son’s behaviour. We didn't know what to do and gave up eventually because we didn't want anyone to get hurt. I am feeling anxious from the moment I wake up and till the moment I fall asleep. Going to work has been hard because I have to put up a brave face everyday. I am ashamed deep down. We will have some peace and quiet when we don't challenge Ben about his online gaming. But David and I are struggling. We argue everyday about what to do with Ben. It is destroying our marriage. Just as you think that things won’t get worse, we found Ben cutting himself and cannabis in Ben’s bedroom. David was really angry and wanted to throw Ben out because we just couldn’t cope anymore. I feel that it is all my fault that Ben is like this. I feel like I am walking on eggshells everyday as I don’t know how Ben would behave on a day to day basis. There is not one day he doesn’t kick off or do things that worry me. I am exhausted and unhappy. I really didn’t know how to go on. My relationship with David has been put through the reel over the years. We don’t know how to come back to the harmonious and loving relationship we once had. David is a medical professional so he is always busy working in the hospital. A lot of parenting responsibilities are left to me, but at the same time I also feel very blamed by David for Ben’s behaviour. We are at a breaking point and I don’t know how to get my family back. I am resentful towards David for not being around more often, and David is angry at me for failing Ben and the family. It is all my fault but no one understands how much I have done for the family.” There was a lot of pain, disharmony and stress. The situation at home affected everyone’s mental health and the relationships at home were non-existing. Very often they felt hopeless and unable to move forward. Under the circumstances, they had literally tried everything any parent would have done. They have sought help through every possible means they know, including asked for support from the school, support was limited due to lack of resources. had Ben assessed and was diagnosed with ADHD but there was no practical parenting support for the family read all the parenting books she could get her hands on attended parenting programmes arranged therapy sessions for Ben attended marriage counselling that didn’t work out for them sent Ben away to her family but he knew his way back But NOTHING WORKED . Irene said that sometimes the help was counterproductive and made things worse at home for the family. She felt that she had failed Ben. She felt guilty and was tormented between leaving and staying. SHE STAYED. She wanted her family back to how it was. She wanted Ben to be happy, to do well in school, to enjoy good friendships and feel good about himself knowing that he can live to his full potential. She wanted to rekindle her relationship with David and be able to parent and help Ben as a united couple. When we started working together, we spent the first two weeks helping the family and myself better understand their unique family blueprint. We explored their family of origin, their experiences as children growing up, their emotional involvement, past and present relationships, their beliefs/values, their interests and hobbies, their resilience, their pain and hurt, their vulnerabilities, their lived experiences and their strengths. There were so many lightbulb moments for Irene and David but most importantly, they came to understand the need to be more aware of themselves, and learn about the factors and the link between current and past experiences that influence their parenting and their relationship from a both positive and challenging lens. We then developed the Thriving Together Family Behavioural Map (TTFBM) to help us understand the driving factors for the challenges at home. For Irene’s family, it’s about Ben’s behaviour, parents’ relationship with each other and as a whole family. The TTFBP a detailed analysis of the family interaction and behaviour. Have you ever seen the Netflix Series “The good doctor”. Shaun was an autistic doctor and whilst he’s facing the challenges of being socially competent, he had this amazing mind map of human body structure. He brought up the mind map when he tried to analyse the data and process the information to find out what the patient's illness was, what was working well in each organ and how they could work together to treat the illness effectively. His mind always honed down or zoomed in to the most critical part of the organ that he needed to treat first and often when he treated the critical part, the rest of challenges and recovery would just fall into its place. Shaun was the best trainee surgeon in the hospital and his expert skills and excellence exceeded other consultant surgeons in the hospital. Why am I telling you Shaun’s story? It is because Shaun and I shared the same superpower. We can get to the heart of the matter to eradicate challenges and facilitate positive change with strengths and healing with precision and with immediate impact. In other words, it is about having a systemic view and understanding of the challenges you are facing, and of the strengths and power your family holds. The TTFBP part of work with the family is exactly like this. We are looking for the critical driving forces that keep the challenges going at home so that we can develop strategies and intervention to address them. Through this process, Irene and David learned that one of the critical driving forces - their difficult relationship with each other was what resulted in Ben's increasingly difficult behaviour over the years and the disharmony at home. Before we went on to address Ben’s behaviour, we needed to make sure that David and Irene were in a good place as a couple. Now you must be curious about what we did to improve their relationship. A lot of other professionals would probably ask Irene and David to go for couple counselling or ask them to park their relationship challenges aside and focus on Ben because he was really struggling. I could only see parents drifting even apart and Ben’s behaviour continued to escalate if we went down this route. Ben would probably be extremely angry, feel blamed and scapegoated because it’s very likely that he would be thinking “ it’s all my fault that my family is like this or they also think it’s my fault and that’s why I was the focus and I was the one that needed to change”. What we did was simply asking Irene and David to acknowledge Ben’s feelings and how hard it must have been for him over the years, and now mum and dad are working hard together to change things and make things better at home for him and for everyone. One simple conversation that held Ben whilst Irene and David worked on their relationship. Now back to what we did to improve Irene and David’s relationship. 3 simple steps underpinned by PEII Blueprint that Irene and David prioritised. 1 simple strategy at a time to bring immediate change in the family. Step 1: Establishing clear roles and responsibilities at home - this means that David will need to be more involved in everything at home, and Irene to give herself the permission to step back and embrace David’s support. ( Improving family functioning) Step 2: Spending quality time together - now Irene and David didn’t need to argue about who does what and when in the family, they scheduled date night every week to reconnect with each other. (Improving family relationship) Step 3: Showing appreciation - before they went to bed, they would share their appreciation and gratitude towards each other. (Improving family relationship) In less than 4 weeks , Irene and David were in the best place they had been in 4 years. No counselling required because they knew what they needed to focus on and they learned how to address the parts that were bleeding. Their relationship grew stronger from this moment. This helps them to be a good co-parenting team . This also helped us continue to work on their relationships whilst addressing Ben’s behaviour. During our time together… The family had an abundance of tailor-made tools and strategies they can tap into. We carefully looked at all the presenting difficult behaviour, set about looking at all the contributing factors to the behaviour and then worked on strategies to change it and for the family to allow Irene and David together to take control back. Always 1 strategy at a time and do it well. Parents texted me outside of our coaching time to seek real time support to bound ideas, to help manage challenges, to celebrate success and sometimes just to talk as we are all in this together. We focused on the strengths so that parents feel empowered and " Can do" We were all in 200 % and Irene and David can really lean in to me for support no matter how small or big the challenges are. Irene and David learned that they are the experts for their family and they learned how to make strategies work for them based on their unique family blueprint so that they can do this for themselves all the time and when I am not around. The simplest way to describe this is Irene and David felt like I was living with them (LOL) that I came to know their family so well. When we said goodbye, the family was doing really well and restored the harmony they once had. “ Through unhurried, none-judgemental, clear, patient direction enabled us, through discussion and role playing, to take back our role as parents, and most important, working together. We were taught how to manage difficult behaviour. We could see how our previous strategies often made situations worse. Using a carefully constructed set of rules, rewards and consequences specific to Ben, along with other helpful strategies specifically targeting my family’s needs and situations, we gradually began to see Ben’s behaviour change. He became happier and more settled. We also realised how important it is for us to be available for Ben emotionally and listen to him. I can’t believe that Ben now would give me a hug and tell me things. I feel close with Ben again. As a mother, I can not be happier. The whole process was unhurried. There was always a clear direction set out for us. The endless encouragement and non-judgemental approach gave us hope and belief in ourselves to facilitate the change in our son and our family. Pei-I taught us how to use the TTP method as a template to tackle other challenges that might lie ahead as he naturally matures and changes with age. We made use of the whatsapp support particularly early on when we were instigating change and it was enormously helpful to have someone on the end of the phone who knew our family and what we were trying to do. The reassuring voice on the end of the phone enabled us to defuse several situations and restore calm. Pei-I also worked individually with myself and David where different issues pertained to each of us and that was very helpful. David and I now can communicate better, problem solve better, co-parent better and most importantly, we now also get on better and really enjoy each other’s company. We feel hugely lucky to have had this opportunity and have seen enormous changes in our son and in our family dynamics. We know we still have work to do and that supporting and nurturing our son into adulthood will still throw up challenges and difficulties but as parents we feel Pei-I has given us a set of powerful tools to work to resolve situations in a positive way for our son and family. As parents we are hugely grateful to the highly professional and compassionate Pei-I.” This is the powerful impact of my TTP method, imagine how your life can be different after 90 days. Are you ready to learn how to complete your own TTFBP and make all parenting strategies work for your family? Book a family breakthrough consult call to take the first step working towards to healing your family. 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope Pei-I

Adolescence is a crucial period in human development marked by rapid physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. The teenage brain undergoes significant transformations, impacting decision-making, emotional regulation, and risk perception. This intricate interplay of biological and environmental factors often leads to risky behaviours among teenagers. In this blog post, I will delve into the fascinating world of teen brain development, shedding light on the neurological basis for risky behaviors and offering insights into how parents can navigate this critical stage. The Teen Brain: A Work in Progress During adolescence, the brain undergoes a process known as synaptic pruning, where unnecessary neural connections are eliminated to streamline and enhance efficiency. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and weighing consequences, is still under construction. On the flip side, the limbic system, which governs emotions and rewards, is highly active. This imbalance sets the stage for impulsive and emotionally driven behaviour, making teenagers more susceptible to risky choices. 2. Risk Perception and Reward Seeking The developing adolescent brain is characterized by heightened sensitivity to rewards and novelty, coupled with an underdeveloped ability to assess long-term consequences. This makes teenagers more inclined to seek out thrilling experiences that could be seen as risk-taking behaviour. Activities that offer immediate gratification, such as experimenting with substances, engaging in risky sexual behaviour, or participating in extreme sports, can be particularly appealing to the adolescent mind. 3. Peer Influence and Social Dynamics The influence of peers during adolescence cannot be overstated. The need for social acceptance and a sense of belonging can push teenagers to conform to peer norms, even if it involves engaging in risky behaviours. The developing brain's heightened sensitivity to social cues amplifies the impact of peer pressure, making it crucial for parents to foster a supportive environment that encourages responsible decision-making. Here are two ways parents can reduce the danger 1. Educate your teens Strategies to Promote Responsible Behaviour Understanding the neurobiological underpinnings of teenage behaviour is essential. Help building decision-making skills, emotional regulation, and risk assessment can empower teenagers to make informed choices. Open communication between adults and teens, where discussions about risks and consequences are free from judgment, fosters trust and encourages responsible decision-making. 2 . Parental Involvement and Support Parents play a pivotal role in guiding their teenagers through this tumultuous period. Establishing open lines of communication, setting clear expectations, and providing a supportive environment can help teenagers navigate the challenges of adolescence. While it's important for parents to set boundaries , it's equally crucial to allow teenagers some autonomy to develop their decision-making skills. Navigating the complex terrain of teenage brain development and risky behaviour requires a multi-faceted approach. By understanding the neurobiological factors at play, fostering open communication, and educating your teen on helpful strategies, we can empower teenagers to make responsible choices. As a society, we must recognize the unique challenges of adolescence and work collaboratively to create environments that support healthy development and prepare our youth for a successful future. If risky, impulsive, or defiant behaviour has taken over your home, you’re not alone. Understanding your teen’s brain is just the first step. Inside the Family Therapist in Your Pocket , I’ll show you exactly how to respond — with strategies that work even in chaos. Explore Family Therapist In Your pocke t today Pei-I 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope