How to choose the right parenting support when you feel burned out A lot of parents are feeling hopeless about the situations at home with their teenage children but they are suffering and struggling silently. It feels that they have invested so much financially and emotionally to help and fight for their teenage children yet they have nothing to show for. They see their friends' teenage children are doing well and living their best life, they feel heartbroken for theirs. They are in despair but I also know that they have not given up. They are still looking for the next thing to help them help their troubled teens and family, but they are worried that the next thing or person they find may disappoint them again so they may become more reluctant to try new things to help their family. So many families and parents suffer because they don't get the results they want when working with a parenting specialist or parent coach. Be careful who you choose to work with and here I share with you the most 3 important components you need to consider when wanting to find a parenting specialist/coach to work with your family.   The first component is the " Parenting specialist"- the person - who is a skilled and experienced professional.   How do you check on if they are the people to help you? 1) Binge on their free resources to find out if you are aligned with what they are teaching you. If they have no free resources for you to access, I would stay clear. 2) 2) Make sure you check on their professional qualifications - being a parent of teenage children is not enough. Without the doubt, they will have lots of wonderful experiences to share, but you also need them to have professional knowledge and skills to back the experience up. 3) It's a no-no if the coach is giving you parenting strategies/advice without 1st trying to know more about your unique family blueprint and circumstances. It would be like a doctor prescribing you medication without knowing anything.   Second component - YOU as a parent. You need to be in a place where you are ready to do the work and be open-minded about trying new strategies (for me anyway), you also need to be ready to reflect and look into your way of parenting so that you understand what you are bringing to the table, both your strengths and areas for change.   Third component is, of course, the method and the PARENTING STRATEGIES - in order to make parenting strategies work for your family, you need to 1) have a parenting specialist/coach who is skilled to help you identify what the difficult behaviour is 2) identifying what the contributing drivers to the behaviour 3) prioritising the most impactful driver/s to work on first 4) developing tailored made parenting strategies that meet your your unique family blueprint and circumstances 5) to show you how to implement 6) to support you evaluate what works and what doesn't. This is the comprehensive model I use to help my parent clients address the difficult behaviour at home with success every single time. Make sure to consider the 3 components before working with a parenting specialist. It's your family we are talking about here, and this can not be taken lightly. If any one of the components of missing, you may need to consider if this is the right time for you to work with a parenting coach/specialist. 1️⃣If you’ve been burned before by programmes, strategies, or professionals that didn’t deliver — I see you. You haven’t failed. You just haven’t been supported by someone who understands how to tailor strategy to your family’s emotional system. Start small. Feel the shift. Watch our free masterclass (how to stop troubled teenager behaviour and heal your family without years of therapy, blame games and never ending cycles of pain and hurt) and learn the proven method that helps stop troubled teenager behaviour in the shortest time possible. 2️⃣If you’ve tried strategies that didn’t work — the issue isn’t your effort. It’s the system behind the support. You don’t need more advice. You need tailored strategy, guided implementation, and someone who knows how to hold your family’s full emotional weight. That’s what we do inside Restoring Harmony  — my bespoke therapeutic container for families in emotional crisis, where strategy meets containment. Ready to experience the power of my work and see immediate change in your family? 🔗 Book your 5 day Family Reset. Pei-I 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope.

In my previous blogs, I have shared that working with a parenting and teen challenging behaviour specialist can help boost your confidence and skills as a parent, and offer you the support and reassurance you need when navigating the difficult journey  ( read here ) , helping you seeing the unseen , and helping you get to know how your family scritps influences your parenting . Today, I want to share the 4th reasons why it is important to work with a parenting specialist to help you navigagte the challenges with confidence to raise your teenagers. A lot of people may think that parenting strategies are just common sense because sometimes it may feel they are. When your wee boy or wee girl is missing behaving, you put them on the naughty chair, but do you know why you are putting them on the naughty chair? Is it just because the supper nanny said so or because you have seen many other parents do it? Effective parenting strategies goes far beyond common sense. While many parenting tips seem intuitive, building truly successful parenting strategies requires a foundation in evidence, psychology, and child development and other established theories. A good example is to Understand your Teenage children's Behaviour Through a Developmental Lens:  A parenting specialist can equip parents with the knowledge of typical teenage development patterns, brain development during adolescence, and the social and emotional changes teenagers experience. This knowledge helps parents interpret their teenager's behaviour in a more objective light and respond with understanding and appropriate strategies. Now having established what effective parenting strategies are, let's look at Why "Common Sense" Advice Can Mislead and counter-productive: 1. Disconnect: Parenting Picture Shift: The world you grew up and how your parents navigated as teenagers is vastly different from the reality your teenager faces today. Social media, cyberbullying, instant gratification culture, and academic pressures all present novel challenges that require a different approach than "traditional" methods. Evolving Needs of Teenagers: Research on adolescent development constantly deepens our understanding of teenagers' emotional and neurological changes. What worked for obedience-focused parenting might not resonate with the need for autonomy and self-discovery crucial for today's teenagers. 2. Confirmation Bias: Comfort Barrier: Humans have a natural tendency to favour information that aligns with their existing beliefs. This "confirmation bias" can lead us to gravitate towards "common sense" advice that reinforces our parenting style, even if it doesn't address the root cause of the problem. Limitations: Relying solely on anecdotal advice can create a blind spot. You might miss out on a wider range of proven strategies that could be more effective in tackling your specific family's challenges. 3. The Power of One Doesn't Apply to All: Cherry-Picked Success Stories: "Common sense" advice often stems from personal experiences or anecdotal stories. These success stories can be misleading because they don't account for individual differences and family dynamics . What worked for one family with a specific set of circumstances might not be appropriate for yours. Lack of Generalizability: There's a difference between personal experience and scientifically proven methods. Anecdotal evidence lacks the control and objectivity of research studies, making it difficult to determine whether the "common sense" approach actually caused the positive outcome. Common sense advice can be counter-productive. Science is Your Real Secret Weapon in Parenting Strategies. It helps you understand why you are using the approach you are taking. Adolescence is a period of immense brain development. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and impulse control, isn't fully formed until the early twenties. Science helps you recognize these neurological changes and adjust your expectations accordingly. Teenage rebellion isn't defiance; it's a natural drive for autonomy as they develop their sense of self. By understanding these neurological changes, you can adjust your expectations and respond with empathy rather than frustration. You can tailor your approach to address the root cause of behaviour, not just the symptoms. Instead of a punitive response to a risky decision, you can use the science of the teenage brain to have a calm conversation about the consequences and help your teenager develop better decision-making skills. Another good example is your relationship with your teenager. Did you know that secure attachment formed in early childhood plays a crucial role in emotional regulation and communication. Understanding how it works and what your attachment behaviour is allows you to address potential attachment challenges that might be contributing to your teenager's relationship with you. A few more, teenagers learn by observing and imitating behaviour. Science helps you recognize how your own behaviours and reactions can influence their emotional responses and decision-making. Science shows that focusing on positive behaviour is more effective than solely addressing negative behaviour. Implementing a reward system or simply acknowledging positive behaviour can motivate your teenager and create a more positive dynamic within the family. These are just some of the manage examples to demonstrate the importance of using parenting strategies that are supported by science. Science-backed knowledge and strategies empower you to approach parenting with confidence and clarity. You can trust that the strategies you're using are effective and have a strong foundation in research. By embracing the science of parenting, you gain a deeper understanding of your teenager's world and equip yourself with powerful tools to navigate the complexities of this challenging yet rewarding stage. My Thriving Together Parenting Method leverages these evidence-based strategies to empower you to build a stronger relationship with your teenager and guide them towards a happy and healthy future. By embracing the science of parenting, you can move beyond guesswork and frustration and enter a world of empowerment, confidence, and positive change for your family. This is why you need a parenting specialist to help you and your family. Restoring Harmony isn’t just support. It’s a high-proximity therapeutic container designed for families living through aggressive outbursts, shutdowns, and deep disconnection. In just 90 days, you’ll rebuild trust, communication, and peace — even if nothing has worked before. → [Book your Family Breakthrough Consult to begin] Because when your family feels safe, everything changes. Pei-I

Navigating difficult teen behaviour can make the most Successful Parents Feel Powerless at Home It goes without saying that anyone . can be the victims of domestic violence experience trauma be brought up by abusive parents  have a horrendous childhood  can be subjected to abuse and neglect  can struggle with mental health challenges regardless of  your class or status…. Jane, the judge, was in an abusive relationship for years.  Mike, the doctor, was emotionally abused by his parents.  Lauran, the solicitor, was neglected by her parents and accommodated at a young age.  John, the global director of a prestigious company, struggled with mental health difficulties.  (It’s important to note that these are all pseudonyms and minor information is changed to make sure the families are not identifiable)  You may be a very successful and high esteemed professional parent on the outside. The world looks at you with respect, admiration and envy because it looks as if you have got everything figured out. Your social feed is full of proud moments and fun. You are showing the world how successful you are, or how much money you make. But inside you are hurting, you lack confidence in yourself, you compare yourself with other parents, and you and your other half constantly argue about how you parent your teenage children. You feel blamed by everyone in the family and you feel that no matter what you do nothing is good enough for your teenage children. They continue to rebel,  to act out in their behaviour, and they continue to set themselves on the path of a worrying future.  You are hurting badly. You don’t know where to turn as you are worried about judgment from the world. You are worried about what others will say about you when you already have a loud voice in your head telling you you are not good enough.  I feel your pain as I have struggled with similar feelings and thoughts. When I feel like this, I turn into someone I trust with my life (not just anyone) so that I know my most vulnerable feelings are safe. Knowing that I can be held, and supported gives me the most reassuring comfort I need to ground myself.  It hasn’t always been easy, and it takes a lot of courage to allow myself to be vulnerable and be able to trust as a result of my series of unfortunate relationship challenges in the past. I was withering inside - so much pain and so much hurt. I turned to the one person that I would give out my life for - my dad. He helped me find strength, find healing, and help me navigate through the darkest moments of my life.  He is not a therapist, and he doesn’t know anything about psychology. He is being a dad - he holds my emotions, he doesn’t judge, he carries me when I can’ and he makes me feel safe. Now, I have another safe person - my husband.  It shows that no matter how successful you are as a professional parent, you have stories that make you who you are today. We all have untold and untellable stories. You don’t need to tell the world about them. What you need is a professional who you can trust, who can hold you and your vulnerable feelings whilst supporting you to navigate the challenges at home with your teenage children’s behaviour.  When you parent your teenager, your younger self comes out, your experiences of being parented come out, your stories, your family scripts emerge, and your experiences and memories of life adversaries show themselves now and then.  These factors all influence your parenting, your responses to your teenage children, any of your parenting decisions and more.  This is the very reason why I place so much emphasis on the family’s unique blueprint. Without knowing this part and you feeling held emotionally, no parenting strategies will work.  It’s important for you to feel safe so that you can emotionally connect with yourself, learn about yourself, heal yourself, and challenge unhelpful beliefs and others where necessary.  Don’t struggle alone and find that professional who you can trust, who can hold your emotions, help you navigate the challenges, and find healing for yourself and your family.  It is only when you feel safe, that you will have the capacity to help your teenagers who are struggling.  Take action now to find ways to help you feel safe emotionally. “If no one sees what you’re really going through, I do. Let’s rebuild the safety and clarity that will shift everything. → Book your Family Breakthrough consultation Call and explore Restoring Harmony today. Pei-I There's always hope, endless hope.

I struggled to speak in a group setting or in public because I was worried that people would think what I said was stupid and a complete waste of their time. Once, I received feedback from my tutors in university saying that I was always quiet and hardly shared my thoughts and views (you wouldn’t think so now if you know me). You are probably thinking - why this was the case and what brought about the transformative change in me being able to speak my mind on UK National TV  too. Let's start with why I struggled. Growing up in an Asian culture with the mentality that you only spoke when you had something right, great, or important to say made it extremely challenging for me to speak my mind. It took me a lot of work to grow in this area. I learned to rewrite stories about my voice and my views. I learned that people want to hear me share my stories and my knowledge, and sometimes just silly stuff. My heart no longer pounds crazy when I speak in groups or at important events that are filled with executives and professionals. I have come to love speaking in public so much and own my voice. You can tell from my most recent appearance on UK National TV. It was LIVE, and I owned the stage and stood my ground to share my views on parenting teenagers. I love every minute of it. The journey from not having a voice to owning my voice was not an easy one but I grew over the years. One of the things that helped me speak my mind was when I needed to speak on behalf of the children and young people whom I was working with. They didn't have a voice and I was THEIR VOICE. I needed to be brave otherwise their voices would have never been heard by the people around them. Through being the voice, I found my own voice. Now, you must be thinking what has it got to do with PARENTING! Well, a lot. You may remember I spoke about family scripts all the time and they are the beliefs instilled in you over the years from your family, and people around you that are driven by family, cultural, and societal values and expectations. In my case (40+ years back), the Taiwanese culture and societal expectations and beliefs were that children could only speak when they were spoken to, children didn't have a voice, teachers were always right and you only spoke when you had something important to say and when you spoke, you made sure you say that right thing. My teachers, relatives, and my parents were brought up this way too because of the beliefs and values the older generation held. So their interaction and expectations of children would have been influenced by this. My parents were self-made millionaires back then. When people think about rich families, they tend to assume that their children would have been spoilt. But, is it though? It can not be further away from the truth for me. My parents provided me with all the financial security, but I wasn't a spoiled or high-maintenance child. Why, because my parents' parenting practice was so heavily influenced by these Taiwanese beliefs and values in our culture. Money meant nothing compared to these contextual forces. Circling back, your beliefs, values, lived experiences and family script influence your parenting practices, yet they are often overlooked. Think about what beliefs you carry about raising teenage children, think about your values, think about other contextual forces, such as your class, your education, your race, your ethnicity, your abilities as they all inform your parenting practice. Subsequently, they are all becoming your teenage children's beliefs and family scripts as they mature. This is the work I do in my high proximity spaces (Heal Family First Method - restoring harmony in 90 days). This is why as little as one session with me, my family clients experience insane positive change at home immediately, like having better relationships at home with their partner or/and teenagers, effective management of behaviour, having dinner together, no kicking back from their teenage children when spending time together, knowing how to put boundaries in place with compliance from teenagers. Next time, when you make a parenting decision, when you parent your teenage children, think about " what's informing you". With that said, if you are struggling to help your teenagers who are struggling, find out how you can work with me here Pei-I Listen to the Teen Talk Podcast about Family Script here If you are ready to take the first step to stop teenager troubled behaviour for good and heal your family without years of therapy or spending money on things that don’t work, start with our Free Masterclass here

In my recent appearance on UK National TV- GB News, I argued against the notion that teenagers are inherently more disruptive today. Instead, I believe the narrative needs to shift. Teenage behaviour hasn't worsened; the way we approach their upbringing and education simply hasn't kept pace with their evolving needs. Here's why: New-Found Voices & Rights: Teenagers are increasingly aware of their rights and empowered to express themselves. This newfound voice is fuelled by access to information online and witnessing social justice movements. Teenagers are inspired by role models like Greta Thunberg and social media influencers who champion various causes. They see their peers advocating for change, inspiring them to do the same. Teenagers are no longer considered passive participants but active ones in thier lives. UNCRC Article 12 states that every child has the right to be listened to and taken seriously. It is not a matter of what authority says now. They are their own person and have their own mind and thoughts/views that need to be taken into consideration when we make decisions affecting their lives.  Parent Influence and Changing Teacher Influence: The traditional dynamic of unquestioned parental authority is evolving as a result of an increasing wealth of resources at parents' disposal such as parenting classes, podcasts, and research. Parents are embracing more democratic styles, encouraging open communication, and fostering a sense of autonomy in their children. Parents who model these behaviours empower their teenage children to advocate for themselves. This allows teens to feel comfortable expressing their opinions and asserting their needs. I think it’s important to note that throughout my profe ssional life, I have witnessed parents’ negative experiences of school/education and this influences how they interact, respond, and support their teenage children. It felt that the support for teenage children who experience bullying, struggle with mental health difficulties or/and require additional support due to their individual needs is inadequate due to a lack of resources. This led to parents becoming distrust of the school system and advocating to keep their teenage children safe and have their needs met through their own means and intervention. Teacher & Organisational Pressures: Teachers face immense pressure with larger class sizes, standardised testing mandates, and funding cuts. This creates an environment where it's difficult to address individual needs, let alone adapt to the changing needs of an entire generation. In addition to this, the pressure and under-appreciation teachers face can contribute to stress, burnout, and mental health struggles. Additionally, the needs and expectations of students are constantly evolving, with changes in technology, social media, and learning styles. Keeping pace with these changes can be a challenge for educators. Teacher’s Understanding of Modern Complex Needs: Many teachers lack training in child development, psychology, and understanding the impact of deprivation on development and mental health. These crucial areas were traditionally absent from the training curriculum, leaving educators unprepared to address the complex needs of young people. So, are teenagers out of control? No. Teenagers today are more informed, empowered, and vocal. This is a positive evolution, but it requires a recalibration. Parents and educators need to adapt. It is very unfortunate that teachers are struggling within a broken system. The solution lies in acknowledging these realities and working towards solutions. Schools need to invest in smaller class sizes, prioritize mental health resources, and ensure teachers receive adequate training. Parents can advocate for better educational practices and continue to support their children's voices. Ultimately, we need to recognise that teenagers are not OUT OF CONTROL. They are a generation with a growing sense of self-worth and a desire to make a difference. Systems around the teenagers need to bridge the gap, adapt new approaches, and empower them to navigate today's world and become responsible, engaged adults. By acknowledging these shifts and working together, we can create a more supportive environment for both teenagers and educators. With that said, if you are struggling to help your teenagers who are struggling, you can find out how you can work with me here . Pei-I There's always hope, endless hope.

Before we look at Therapeutic Parenting Coaching, let's look at one of the most asked questions ... so What do you do...? I always struggle to answer as everyone knows what a doctor, a nurse, or a surgeon does, but when it comes to what a parenting specialist does there are myths around it. I can't tell you what other parenting coaches/consultants/specilaist does as everyone is different, but here's what I do. I always like to use Gordon Ramsay's show Kitchen nightmares as an example. If you have not seen it before, basically, Gordon Ramsay is invited by restaurant owners to spend a week with them in an attempt to revive their failing business. The restaurants are not having customers and are not making money. This is what we see from the outset, but when Gordon investigates. He always finds a lot of problems in the restaurant, such as the menu, the quality of the food, the customer service, the environment, the relationships...etc. He works through each problem with them and helps their business thrive. He has saved a lot of restaurants from going out of business. Now you are thinking.. What does it have anything to do with me, your family and what I do… Literally everything..😅 On the outset, families I am working with are struggling with their teenage children’s troubled behaviour, they are not going to school, fighting, being aggressive, self harming, taking drugs and engaging in other risky behaviour. But when I investigate with the families, we often find there are challenges around co-parenting, communication, family relationships, trauma, mental health difficulties, impact of life adversaries, lack of support for neurodivergent families and teenagers…. and so on. If Gordon had only treated the symptoms and focused on making money and If I had just worked on the troubeld teenager behaviour- nothing would have worked. We need to work on the underlying root causes, and develop practical and bespoke action steps that meet your unique family blueprint to bring powerful results. This is what Heal Family First Method: TTP does. It help families help achieve positive outcome in the shortest time possible. I created this method because I was sad to witness families struggling for years without a way out despite having access to all possible approaches and resources out there. It was also painful to see them spending so much money on trying to get help but with no return. I was also tired of the limitation of what I can do in every single role even when I was in senior management role. " No, we can't do that because we don't work with younger children but 11-18 years old". " No , we can't see the family 3 times a week because we are not an intensive service". " No, we can't work with the younger siblings because your focus is on the one who goes to our school". That's why I left my job in the corporate world and founded Rainbow Parenting Practice , with the principles that I can coach parents to strengthen their parenting skills using integrative approaches with therapeutic elements which I call it Therapeutic parenting coaching. Therapeutic parenting coaching is a specialised form of parenting skills coaching that incorporates therapeutic principles to help parents develop effective strategies for interacting with and supporting their struggling teenage children. It is particularly beneficial for parents who are facing challenges related to: Troubled behaviour: Acting out, defiance, aggression, school refusal, difficult behaviour in school and community, breaking curfew, absconding or self-harm...etc Emotional well-being: Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or emotional dysregulation Developmental needs: Autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, or other neurodevelopmental needs Co-parenting challenges: Difficulties in communicating or coordinating parenting efforts with co-parents Relationship difficulties: Strained relationships within the family or with extended family members While therapeutic parenting coaching involves a more structured approach with specific goals and measurable outcomes, Pei-I's Heal Family First Method: TTP offers a more comprehensive and holistic approach. This method addresses the emotional, relational and psychological factors, family dynamics and other important factors that can influence parenting challenges. This method ​offer families a deep understanding of the complex factors that influence challenges at home, and allow us to work together to identify underlying issues, develop tailored strategies, and provide comprehensive support. ​By choosing therapeutic parenting coaching, you can expect: Improved behaviour in your teenager Increased understanding of your teen's behaviour and needs so that you can support them to be motivated and have the drive you possess to achieve success in their lives. Improved communication and problem-solving skills as a family Enhanced emotional well-being for the family Strengthened family relationships Long-lasting positive changes in your family's dynamics and MUCH MORE This way, the families get to have access to everything they need. It's holistic. It collapses time and increases family's efficacy. Parenting coaching + Therapeutic principles + Thriving Together Parenting Method = stop troubled teenager behaviour in the shortest time possible. If you're ready to invest in your family's future, therapeutic parenting coaching can be a valuable tool. There are a few ways you can work with Pei-I. Find out more here Pei-I There's always hope, endless hope.

Blending two families into one is a deeply complex and emotional process. While parents often approach this transition with the best intentions—hoping to create love, stability, and security for their children—blended families rarely come together seamlessly. For children, this isn’t a change they asked for, and it often disrupts their sense of identity, loyalty, and belonging. Unlike traditional families, where relationships develop organically over time, blended families must navigate a unique set of emotional and logistical challenges, from redefining roles to managing co-parenting conflicts. This article explores the most significant challenges faced by blended families and offers three key strategies to help navigate this transition with patience and understanding. The Challenges of Blended Families 1. The False Promise of “Nothing Will Change” One of the most well-intentioned but damaging reassurances parents give their children during a transition into a blended family is, “Nothing will change.” Parents say this out of love, hoping to comfort their children and ease their fears. But the reality is that everything is changing—new family members, new routines, new expectations, and often, new homes or schedules. For children, this false promise can lead to deep frustration, resentment, and a feeling of betrayal. They experience first hand the shifting dynamics—suddenly having to share their parent’s time and attention, adjusting to stepparents or new siblings, and potentially navigating different rules or expectations in multiple households. When their lived reality doesn’t match what they were told, they may withdraw emotionally or act out in defiance. Instead of offering false reassurances, parents should acknowledge the changes and allow children to express their emotions about them. A more helpful approach is to say, “Things are changing, and I know that might be hard. We’ll go through this together, and I will always be here for you.” 2. Navigating Roles and Responsibilities Blended families often struggle with defining roles and responsibilities. In a traditional family, these roles evolve naturally over time, but in a blended family, they are introduced abruptly, leaving many questions unanswered. For children, the presence of a stepparent or new siblings can feel like an intrusion rather than an expansion of their family. A stepparent may try to assert authority too soon, leading to resistance, or they may hesitate to engage, feeling like an outsider. Biological parents may feel torn between maintaining their close bond with their children and supporting their new partner’s role in the family. Additionally, children may struggle with defining their new family structure. Who counts as family now? Does their stepparent replace their other parent? Are stepsiblings equal to biological siblings? This identity shift can be unsettling, especially if children feel pressure to accept the new dynamic before they’re ready. 3. The Emotional Impact of Transitioning for Children For children, blending a family isn’t just about new people entering their lives—it’s about redefining their entire world. Parents often view the blended family as a positive step forward, but children may see it as a loss. They are losing the family structure they once knew, even if their parents have been separated for some time. One of the biggest struggles children face is loyalty conflict. They may feel guilty for bonding with a stepparent, as if doing so would betray their biological parent. Some children will reject the new family outright as a way to show their loyalty, while others will silently struggle with inner conflict. Children also grapple with a shifting sense of family identity. Do they now have two sets of parents? Are their stepsiblings their real siblings? How do they explain their family to friends? These questions create an emotional burden that parents don’t always recognise. 4. Differences in Parenting Between Two Households Blended families often face major differences in parenting styles—not just within their own household but also between the two homes children move between. One parent may be strict while the other is more relaxed. One household may have clear screen time limits, while the other allows unlimited access. These inconsistencies can lead to confusion, frustration, and manipulation, where children play one household against the other. Discipline is particularly challenging. If a stepparent tries to enforce rules too soon, children may resent them. If a biological parent undermines their new spouse’s authority, it can create conflict in the marriage. At the same time, if a biological parent allows their child to act out without consequences, it can lead to resentment between them and the stepparent. 5. Co-Parenting with Ex-Partners Co-parenting with an ex-spouse is often one of the most stressful aspects of blending families. Ideally, both parents should work together to provide stability for their children, but unresolved conflicts, resentment, and differing parenting styles often make this difficult. Communication breakdowns between co-parents can lead to inconsistent rules, emotional manipulation, or children feeling caught in the middle. If one parent is resistant to the new family dynamic, they may actively or subtly discourage their child from accepting a stepparent or new siblings intentionally or unintentionally. Let's say the big feelings of adults following separation if unprocessed and worked through can make things extremely difficult for all parties involved, and this can affect the children emotionally significantly. 6. Managing Emotional Stress and Expectations Blending a family is emotionally exhausting. Parents want everything to work smoothly, but they often underestimate how long the adjustment period takes. Children may resist the new structure for months or even years before fully embracing it. Stepparents may feel unappreciated or like outsiders in their own home. Biological parents may struggle with guilt, feeling pulled between their new marriage and their existing bond with their children. The emotional weight of these struggles can create deep stress within the household, leading to resentment, marital strain, and emotional distancing between family members. Three Key Strategies for Overcoming Blended Family Challenges While blending a family comes with difficulties, it is possible to create a thriving and supportive home environment. Here are three essential strategies to help navigate the challenges: 1. Acknowledge and Validate the Changes Instead of reassuring children that “nothing will change,” parents should openly acknowledge the changes they are experiencing. Statements like, “I know this is different, and I understand it’s a lot to adjust to. It’s okay to have big feelings about it” help children feel seen and heard. It’s also important for parents to let children express their emotions freely. Whether it’s sadness, frustration, or resentment, creating a safe space for open discussions builds trust and allows children to process the transition at their own pace. 2. Allow Relationships to Develop Naturally Blended family relationships take time. Every family member has their own pacing and it's important to respect them. Don't force closeness but instead allow connections to grow organically. Focus on building trust first rather than stepping into a disciplinary role too soon. Similarly, children needs to be given space to form their own opinions about their new family members. Pressuring them to call a stepparent "Mom" or "Dad" or expecting instant sibling bonds can create unnecessary stress. Letting relationships develop naturally fosters a more genuine and lasting connection. 3. Strengthen the Parenting Partnership A strong, united partnership between the biological parent and stepparent is crucial. Parents must establish clear communication and alignment on rules, discipline, and household expectations. Discuss parenting strategies privately before presenting them to children. Support each other’s roles in the family and avoid undermining authority. Find consistency between households to prevent confusion and conflict for children. A solid partnership between parents creates stability, which ultimately helps children feel more secure in the new family structure. Blending a family is a journey filled with deep emotions, shifting dynamics, and unexpected challenges. But with open communication, patience, and intentional effort, it is possible to build a strong and loving family unit. By acknowledging changes rather than downplaying them, allowing relationships to develop naturally, and maintaining a united parenting approach, blended families can move from conflict to connection—creating a home where every member feels valued, respected, and truly part of the family. 💡 If you’re nodding along to this blog, it’s because you KNOW how hard blending a family can be. 🚨 Here’s the truth:  Time won’t fix this. Love alone won’t fix this. But strategy, structure, and support will. That’s exactly what we do inside Restoring Harmony —helping blended families build trust, connection, and a home where everyone feels safe, heard, and valued. 📌 Book a Family Breakthrough Consultation call .  Let’s figure out exactly what’s keeping your family stuck and create a plan to restore harmony—before things escalate further. 🌈There's always hope, endless hope. Pei-I

Balancing Technology and Creativity: Navigating Social Media with Your Teenager. In the Netflix series Adolescence , we witness a raw portrayal of teenage volatility: online obsessions, social media spirals, and digital personas formed in place of identity. It’s dramatic, yes — but it’s also frighteningly close to reality. For many families, watching the show feels eerily familiar. The sudden mood shifts. The late-night scrolling. The child who once shared everything now hiding behind a screen. But here’s the truth most conversations miss: this isn’t just a story about screen time or phone addiction. It’s a story about survival — and what happens when a teen feels safer in an online echo chamber than they do at the dinner table. The Real Problem Isn’t Social Media — It’s Disconnection at Home Every parent asks: 'How do I get them off their phone? But very few ask: 'What are they getting from their phone that they’re not getting from me? Teens don’t just shut down. They also outsource. If they don’t feel emotionally safe at home — if every conversation ends in conflict, criticism, or control — they look elsewhere. They find validation in comments. Identity in online communities. Safety in anonymity. The phone isn’t the root problem. It’s the symptom of a deeper disconnection. What Social Media Actually Gives Them - Identity: Online spaces allow teens to explore parts of themselves they don’t or might not feel safe expressing at home. - Community: Even if it’s toxic, digital tribes offer belonging. - Validation: A like or comment becomes the emotional hit they’re craving. - Control: Unlike unpredictable home environments, online worlds let them choose how they show up. *Adolescence* nails this dynamic — but it misses one thing: the opportunity for repair or connection doesn’t live in the algorithm. It lives at home. What Parents Get Wrong About Tech Limits Rules around phones, screen time, and apps are important. (You can read more in this blog - effects of social media on teenagers ) But they’re not the root solution. If a teen is emotionally isolated, no app ban will stop them from finding a way to soothe that pain. Trying to restrict a teen’s digital world without addressing their emotional world is like locking the front door while leaving every window wide open. The real work isn’t about taking phones away — it’s about becoming someone they don’t feel the need to escape from. The Role of Emotional Literacy in Digital Safety Most teens don’t have the words to describe what they’re feeling. Anger becomes isolation. Sadness becomes scrolling. Anxiety becomes rage. This is where emotional literacy matters. When parents model how to name their emotions — calmly, honestly, and without shame — they show their teen what safety sounds like. It starts with small moments:- 'I can see this really hurt you.'- 'I don’t need you to fix it, I just want to hear you.'- 'It’s okay to be angry. Let’s figure out what’s underneath it. 'When teens feel emotionally seen, they no longer need to seek extreme ways of being noticed. Why This Isn’t About Perfect Parenting You don’t need to be endlessly patient. You don’t need to say the perfect thing. What your teen needs is presence. They need to know you’ll stay — even when they push. They need a steady nervous system that doesn’t escalate every outburst. And they need someone who understands that the scrolling, snapping, or ghosting isn’t defiance — it’s a signal. This is where most support systems fall short. You don’t need another parenting theory. You need someone who can help you in the moment , when things are actually falling apart. You Don’t Have to Parent This Alone You don’t need to fight your teenagers for their phone. You need to understand why they’re disappearing into it and become the safest place in their world. If your teen is spiralling online, acting out at home, or emotionally unreachable — it’s not just about boundaries or screen time. It’s about rebuilding the emotional system underneath all of it. That’s exactly what we do inside Restoring Harmony . This 90-day high-level support container is for families on the edge of emotional collapse — ready to stop surviving, reset the emotional climate at home, and lead their teens back into connection. Because when nothing else works… this is where you begin. 👉 Click here to learn more about Restoring Harmony Or write me directly if you want to know if it’s the right next step for your family. Pei-I

The concept of “reparenting yourself”  has become a popular buzzword in personal growth circles. It suggests that by healing your inner child, you can overcome adult challenges. There’s some truth here — our childhood experiences do  shape who we are. But what's often overlooked is that they're not the only  thing  that shapes who we are. There are many forces at play: The family system we grew up in The culture that raised us The relationships that formed our self-worth The society that rewarded or silenced us Imagine your life like a tree: The roots  are your early attachments, cultural values, and family patterns. The trunk  is your formative years — shaped by people in various systems around you, i.e. school, friends, . The branches  are your adult relationships, parenting, career, and the habits you carry every day. When we focus only  on inner child work, we’re pruning a few leaves — maybe even a branch. But the real issues ? They're often deep in the soil. What Reparenting Missed in My Own Journey When I was in my 20s and 30s, I made a few poor choices in romantic relationships. I struggled with asserting my own boundaries. I said yes when I meant no. I was praised for being kind — but inside, I was exhausted, confused, and hurting. Everyone — including my own academic training (yes, 3  Master’s degrees at the time) — gave me the same answers: “Heal your inner child.” But this only focused me inward, back to memories I had already replayed thousands of times. I wasn’t healing. “Forgive your parents.” It became a loop: I blamed them, then forgave them, then felt guilty about blaming them. It built resentment, not relief. “Practice self-compassion.” I tried. I truly did. But telling myself “be kind to yourself”  a hundred times a day didn’t shift the deeper pattern. It wasn’t that these practices were wrong. It’s that they were incomplete . What Heals Us Is Not Just Inside Us Healing doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens in relationship . When we hurt, it’s often because a relationship has ruptured — with a parent, a partner, a child, or a sense of self shaped by others. And when we heal? It’s usually because a new, safer relationship shows us another way to live. This is the core of systemic family psychotherapy  — the approach I now use in all my work with families (both therapeutic parenting coaching and family therapy ) It asks: What system is this behaviour responding to? What emotional blueprint is being repeated? What unspoken rules are guiding this family? Who benefits when this person stays “broken”? And more importantly — how do we disrupt it, gently but permanently? Your Emotions Are Not Just Yours In systemic work, we understand that your feelings, thoughts, and behaviours don’t live in isolation. They're shaped by: Your upbringing and unspoken family rules The cultural narratives around gender, success, failure, and love Your partner’s story The collective stress of your community And your role in the emotional landscape of your family You might feel anxious not because of “childhood trauma,” but because you're still carrying everyone else’s regulation  in the present. You might feel disconnected from your child not because you’re doing it wrong, but because your family of origin never modelled connection without control . Why This Matters for Parents Many of the parents I work with are doing all the “right” things — teen/group therapy, boundaries, communication — but their teen is still struggling. Aggression, shutdowns, depression, drugs and alcohol, school refusal — none of it seems to change. What I often see in families is this: There’s a long history of not talking about emotions — not out of malice, but because it was never modelled. Everyone’s trying their best, but honesty feels risky. It’s safer to avoid, minimize, or “just get on with it.” And slowly, one person — often your teenager — becomes the emotional outlet for the whole family. Their behaviour might look like defiance… but it’s actually a signal. That’s why surface-level strategies don’t stick. Because what’s happening in your home is often a reflection of deeper patterns — not just what’s happening today, but what’s been carried forward, silently, for years. The good news? These patterns can change. And when they do, everything shifts. From “What Happened To Me?” → “What System Am I In?” This isn’t about blaming your family, or excusing harmful behaviour. It’s about asking a more useful, healing question: “What patterns am I still loyal to — even when they hurt me or my family?” Whether it’s perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, or always walking on eggshells — these traits didn’t come from nowhere. They were protective. They were once adaptive responses in the systems you grew up in. But now? They’re likely keeping you — and your family — stuck. This is why systemic thinking  has become a core element of my therapeutic parenting coaching. It goes beyond traditional child development, psychology and psychoanalytical thinking— which focus on what  the child is doing — and instead zooms out to ask: “What kind of emotional environment is this behaviour happening in?” Because behaviour doesn’t happen in a vacuum as mentioned earlier. Systemic work acknowledges that children’s emotions and behaviours are deeply shaped by the relationships, roles, culture, and communication patterns around them. When we address both the behaviour and  the emotional system that holds it, that’s when families start to see real, lasting change. And that’s exactly what I bring into every parenting programme I deliver. Real Healing Is Relational The greatest shifts I’ve seen — in my own life, and in the families I support — came not from more self-analysis… …but from safe connection , clear relational boundaries , and being witnessed by someone who understands the full map. This is what we do inside Restoring Harmony  — my 90 day bespoke programme that guides families to stop survival-mode parenting and build emotional safety, leadership, and peace. It’s also what we do in Family Reset , a 30-day private container for those needing direct intervention and structured strategy now. Final Words: It’s Time To Stop Blaming Yourself You didn’t cause the systems that shaped you. But you can change how they live on in your family. Don’t settle for half-truths or outdated advice. Come learn what’s actually  keeping your family stuck — and how to step into the kind of leadership that heals. Want to experience what true relational healing looks like in your home? 👉 Tap here to book a Family Consult Call before joining Restoring Harmony ] — or 👉 Book your private Family Reset  support here Let’s stop pruning the branches and start nourishing the roots. Pei-I 🌈There's always hope, endless hope.

D o you think young love should be or is pure and innocent?  I used to think so but it was because I was that goofy teenager who fancied a boy for nearly 3 years. I didn’t know what teenage romantic relationships were, and what girls and boys did together when they were boyfriends and girlfriends. I was simply hoping the boy I liked would like me back. Have a guess, did he like me back?  I will tell you if he liked me back at the end of this blog.  Fast forward 30 years, things have changed significantly. It is no longer about boys and girls liking each other or holding hands.  It’s becoming more complicated and challenging for teenagers and their parents because of societal changes, social media, lack of knowledge and resources for parents and teenagers about teen sexual health and healthy relationships, and so on. To make the matter more complicated, if you have a teenager who doesn’t share things with you for whatever reasons, it makes it even more challenging to support your teenage children through this phase in their life where they are curious about romantic relationships and sex.  Did you know the show “ Teen Mum ”? Whilst I can appreciate the intent of the show is to share and educate the public about the ups and downs of being a teen mum, I can’t help but think it also creates a lot of fantasy and envy for teenagers, thinking they can also be famous and make a lot of money through being a teen mum if they were so lucky to be cast on the show. If not, they can also start their own YouTube Channel and have a similar effect.   As a parent, how do you overcome these external, environmental, and circumstantial challenges? There are so many variables to consider when supporting your teenager through the twists and turns of romance. It can feel like you are climbing over the hills that never end.  You think you are reaching the top, only to find out there’s another bent on the other side. It is ok if there’s another bend, or another wee hill you need to climb, or another footpath that you need to take or you simply get lost. You will always find your way and will continue to remain the most influential and important person to help your teenage children navigate this part of the journey because this is your PARENT POWER!    10 Ways you can support teenage love and relationships 1.   Having a good relationship with your teen : I can not stress how important it is to have a good relationship with your teenage children because this is the foundation of trust and safety. Your teenage children need to feel they can trust you to share their most worrying, terrifying, exciting, and maybe embarrassing thoughts and feelings with you. Without this, it’s impossible for them to open up to you about their romantic relationships.  You may think I am the parent and why wouldn’t they want to share with me, we used to have such good relationships when they were younger. I know how you feel, but this may be a good reflective question for you to ask yourself why your teenage children stop sharing their feelings and thoughts with you. What is in the way? What changes? It can feel very rejecting and hurtful, but this is one important question you must ask yourself and find the solutions for it so that you can support your teenager in all aspects of their lives, not just their romantic relationships.  2. Having Good Communication and Conversations:  Creating a safe space for your teenager to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences is important. A space where they don't feel judged or feel bad that they have done something wrong even if and when they make bad decisions. It only takes ONE negative conversational experience with you for your teenage children to shut down any future conversations with you.  When your teen feels comfortable talking to you, they are more likely to seek your guidance about the topic of love and relationships. Keep having conversations with your teenager about their romantic relationships, the excitement, the joy, and the sad and difficult parts too. If you are struggling with this, imagine you are speaking to your teenage children’s friends, it will make it easier for you to stay neutral and be curious about what your teenage children are sharing with you.  3. Understanding their feelings:  Take the time to understand the dynamics of teenage relationships. These may be their first encounters with love and romance, and emotions can run high. Empathy is key. Reflect on your own teenage experiences, and acknowledge the intensity of their feelings. 4. Teaching them about Healthy Relationships:  Use this opportunity to teach lessons on healthy relationship habits. Emphasize the importance of communication, respect, and boundaries. Discuss the significance of equality and encourage your teen to express their needs and expectations in a relationship confidently. Their thoughts and feelings matter. 5. Focusing on Guidance not Control:  While it's natural to feel protective, consider offering guidance instead of control. Teach them to make informed decisions by thinking through the pros and cons of their decisions with them. Your role is to provide a safety net while allowing them some levels of autonomy to navigate their relationships.  Parents often feel that they can’t assert boundaries with their teenage children when it comes to their romantic relationships. Every family’s circumstances, values, and beliefs are different, it is not my role to tell you what’s allowed or not allowed in your household, but I truly believe that when asserting boundaries as a parent, it covers all areas of your teenage children’s lives. Why? Because your teenage children need boundaries to feel safe. It makes it easier for them to make appropriate decisions. It’s like we know when it’s a red light, we stopthe when it’s a green we go. We don’t need to think twice.  6. Educating your teen on Consent and Boundaries:  Ensure your teen understands the importance of consent, age of consent, and the concept of personal boundaries. Emphasize that respecting each other's boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. Discuss the significance of clear communication in intimate situations. I have been working in the social work world for nearly 3 decades and whilst teaching consent is important, we must not overlook the concerns around underage sex - which is a topic I will come back to in the future. In the interim, you can find out more information   here 7. Learning about your relationship to Model Healthy Relationships:  Teenage children learn by example. Model healthy relationships in your own life, whether it's with your partner, friends, or family. Your behavior serves as a powerful teaching tool. Take the 1st step to   better understand your relationship patterns   - how you relate, and how you repair a rupture in a relationship so that you can model this to your teenager which is absolutely vital for their future relationships. 8. Be their Support:  Be the supportive figure your teen can turn to in times of joy or heartbreak. Celebrate their happiness and offer a listening ear during challenges. Your support builds trust and ensures that they feel comfortable seeking guidance when needed. 9. Stay Informed About Their World:  Stay informed about the ever-evolving world of teenage relationships, from social media trends to modern communication methods. This knowledge enables you to offer relevant advice and understand the unique challenges they may face that is aligned with your family values and beliefs.  10. Encourage Growth:  Remind your teenager of the importance of individual growth and self-discovery. Encourage them to pursue their passions, friendships, and personal goals outside of their romantic relationships. Reinforce the idea that a healthy relationship complements, rather than defines, their identity. As usual, start with 1 strategy and then make your way through it.  Ok now back to my story - I took up the courage to confess my feelings to the boy I liked. He accepted my presents, said thank you and walked away. So the answer is NO, he didn’t like me back.  It didn’t kill me, and I learned that this is just the beginning of my journey in relationships with boys. If this brought up questions or uncertainty for you as a parent, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can work with me to think this through calmly and safely. 👉 Watch the masterclass or book a call to explore support. Pei-I

When a teenager starts pulling away — spending more time in their room, giving one-word answers, seeming to prefer anyone's company over yours — the instinct for many parents is to give them space. To not push. To wait for them to come back when they are ready. It is a reasonable instinct. And it is one of the most costly mistakes a parent can make. Because what looks like a teenager who wants distance is almost always a teenager who needs connection — and doesn't know how to ask for it. What Is Actually Happening in the Teenage Brain Adolescence is one of the most neurologically turbulent periods of human development. The brain is undergoing a profound reorganisation — pruning connections, building new ones, developing the capacity for abstract thinking, identity formation, and emotional regulation. None of this happens smoothly. And none of it happens in isolation from the relationships around them. During this period, teenagers are navigating questions that are genuinely enormous: Who am I? Where do I belong? Am I enough? Am I loveable? They are doing this largely without the emotional vocabulary or the neurological maturity to process it all — and they are doing it in a body that feels unfamiliar, in a social world that feels impossibly high-stakes, and in a family that may feel, suddenly, like it no longer quite fits. The withdrawal, the moodiness, the irritability, the silence — these are not rejection. They are the external signs of an internal world under significant pressure. Why Connection Is the One Thing Of all the things a parent can offer a teenager — rules, guidance, resources, opportunities — the research is remarkably consistent about what matters most. It is not the quality of the advice. It is not the strictness of the boundaries. It is not the activities organised or the things provided. It is the emotional connection between parent and child. A teenager who feels genuinely connected to their parent — who believes, at a felt level, that they are known, valued, and safe in that relationship — has a fundamentally different experience of adolescence than one who doesn't. They are more likely to come to a parent when something goes wrong. More likely to resist peer pressure when it matters. More likely to weather the storms of this period without those storms leaving lasting damage. Connection is not a nice addition to good parenting. It is the foundation everything else is built on. What Connection Is Not It is worth being clear about what emotional connection is not — because it is frequently confused with things that look similar but function very differently. Connection is not permissiveness. Staying emotionally close to your teenager does not mean abandoning boundaries, avoiding difficult conversations, or letting behaviour go unchallenged. In fact, a teenager who feels genuinely connected to their parent is far more likely to respond to a boundary than one who doesn't — because the relationship gives the boundary meaning. Connection is not surveillance. Knowing everything about your teenager's life is not the same as being emotionally available to them. A parent who monitors, checks, and interrogates may know a great deal about their teenager's activities while knowing very little about their true feelings and thoughts. Connection is not performing closeness. Organised activities, family holidays, and shared meals all have value. But a teenager who doesn't feel emotionally safe in the relationship will not feel connected by the activities around it. Connection happens in the quality of the moments between people — not in the quantity of time spent together. What Gets in the Way For many parents, the disconnection from their teenager did not happen in a single moment. It happened gradually — through accumulated misunderstandings, through conversations that escalated into conflict, through a young person who stopped bringing things to their parent because the last time they did, it didn't go well. By the time a parent notices the distance, it has often been building for a long time. And by that point, trying to reconnect can feel counterintuitive. The teenager may be resistant, dismissive, or apparently indifferent. The parent may feel rejected, hurt, or simply unsure where to begin. The ruptures remained unrepaired. The gap between them can start to feel fixed — as though this is simply who their teenager is now, rather than a relational pattern that can change. It is a pattern. And it can change. What Reconnection Actually Looks Like Reconnection does not require a dramatic conversation or a significant event. It does not require the teenager to be willing, cooperative, or even particularly warm. It begins with the parent — with small, consistent, low-pressure moments that communicate one thing above everything else: I am here. I am not going anywhere. You do not have to perform for me or protect me. You are safe. It might look like sitting near them without an agenda. Showing genuine curiosity about something they care about — not to manage them, but because they are interesting. Responding to an irritable remark with warmth instead of escalation. Noticing a moment when they seem to need something and offering presence rather than advice. None of this is passive. It requires real skill, real patience, and often a significant shift in how the parent is approaching the relationship. But the return on that investment — a teenager who knows they can turn to you, who brings the hard things home rather than carrying them alone — is one of the most significant things a parent can create. A Final Thought Your teenager may look like they don't need you. They may act like your presence is an inconvenience and your concern an intrusion. Do not be misled by that. Underneath the eye rolls and the closed doors and the one-word answers is a young person navigating one of the most complex periods of their life — and hoping, more than they will ever say out loud, that you will stay close enough to catch them if they fall. That hope is the connection. Your job is to keep it alive. If you are finding it difficult to reach your teenager — if the distance between you has grown and you are not sure how to close it — the Reconnect With Your Teenager programme was built for exactly this. 👉 Find Out More Here Pei-I

I am feeling pretty stuck with my fitness and weight loss journey right now. 😁 It’s not because I haven’t got the time to eat healthy or do my exercise, although I keep telling myself to do it.. ❓So… why am I feeling stuck if these basics are not the problems for me?? I will come to this later… There seems to be a theme of stuckness everywhere I turned this week. There was someone feeling stuck about how to help a child, how to parent and connect with their teens, how to improve the relationships and how to co-parent better and with more ease. You must have felt that stuckness at some point when parenting your teen, when facing relationship challenges, when thinking about your family and so on. Have you ever wondered why you are stuck with the family problems and unable to find solutions going forward? Based on my experiences and observations, h Here are my thoughts on the why parents get stuck with the challenges at the family home. · Fear of the consequences: A lot of young people will up the ante to get what they want. 😅 If I ground her today, she might hurt herself, or she might trash the house. If it’s the case, it’s understandable that parents are worried about the outcome of their decisions and actions. If parents don’t have the right parenting strategies, using the right approaches in situation like this, of course, the cycle continues and can look like this … There could be many circular cycles happening in your family if you pay attention to them. What would help: Identify the cycle ( you can use the diagram above to help you), and think about which part of the cycle you need to address to break the cycle easier. From the example I gave above, I will focus on identifying effective strategies to manage self harming and violence so that behaviour is not reinforced through the negative cycle. · Fear of change – there is a thing called familiarity, and for real, you can be so stuck in the challenges and hardship you have been facing because of this very reason. It’s your comfort zone, you have learned to live with the discomfort and the unpleasant challenges, you have also learned how to manage these challenges the best you can even it’s chipping your soul away everyday. Stepping out of this is scary – a new territory of feeling good, and feeling that your family is in a good place, or your teen is doing well… these new feelings are scary and unknown to you. What would help: Questions you can ask yourself are “ what are the risks if things remain the way they are? Who would be affected? To what extend?, What are the benefits if you make change? who would be affected and benefited from the change? You can then weigh up. · Fear of failure - what if you try again but things still don’t change? what does it say about me as a parent and my family? It’s safer to keep the status quo. It is to protect yourself from feeling like a failure. What would help: reflect on “ what would happen to your family, to your relationship and to your teens if you continue to decide not to take actions or make change in order to protect yourself from feeling like a failure?” what are the risks of not making change? Who else are you protecting apart from yourself? If you have more time, think about where this fear of failure originates from – when you have understanding, you can make change. · Giving away the control – what I am about to say is probably going to be a really difficult thing to hear because it’s about you taking control about the change you can make and taking responsibility for your part as a parent. When you expect others or your teens to change, you are giving away the control. You are also being unrealistic of your expectation of your teens and others. If your teens know how to make better decisions, they would have already done so. They are like apprentices; they need training to learn life skills and to learn how to be a grown up. It is your responsibility as a parent to set them up for success. What would help: Regain control by adjusting your expectation and changing your mindset about it’s your teen that needs change. They will change when you change. It’s a ripple effect. Think about the things you can control and do small things everyday to regain that control. · Mis-identifying the nature of the problem and goals – This is the reason why I am stuck with my weight loss. My problems are not about eating healthy or exercising. Deep down, I know I don’t need to lose weight and I don’t need to get fitter. My problem is they are not my goals but someone else’ so I feel stuck. It’s the same for your family, you can easily get stuck if the family members don’t have a shared understanding or agreement on what the problems and goals are, you are pretty stuck because it’s like me speaking French when I was in Paris, nobody understood me. Ha. What would help: Call a family meeting to think about what everyone thinks about the problems are and invite them to establish goals and solutions. In short: Find out what makes you stuck, get to understand yourself and your fears. no matter what reasons they are, trying to take small steps to make positive change everyday is the only way for you to be able to work towards to watching your teens thrive and living in a harmonious family life. There are no alternatives. Be courageous. ☺ If you are struggling with your teenager's behaviour and family challenges, and would like to experience impactful and immediate positive change at home, start with Therapeutic Parenting Coaching Call, and experience the breakthrough that your family longs for FAST. Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope