Teenage love and relationships - how can parents help?

Do you think young love should be or is pure and innocent? 

I used to think so but it was because I was that goofy teenager who fancied a boy for nearly 3 years. I didn’t know what teenage romantic relationships were, and what girls and boys did together when they were boyfriends and girlfriends. I was simply hoping the boy I liked would like me back. Have a guess, did he like me back?  I will tell you if he liked me back at the end of this blog. 

Fast forward 30 years, things have changed significantly. It is no longer about boys and girls liking each other or holding hands.  It’s becoming more complicated and challenging for teenagers and their parents because of societal changes, social media, lack of knowledge and resources for parents and teenagers about teen sexual health and healthy relationships, and so on. To make the matter more complicated, if you have a teenager who doesn’t share things with you for whatever reasons, it makes it even more challenging to support your teenage children through this phase in their life where they are curious about romantic relationships and sex. 

Did you know the show “Teen Mum”? Whilst I can appreciate the intent of the show is to share and educate the public about the ups and downs of being a teen mum, I can’t help but think it also creates a lot of fantasy and envy for teenagers, thinking they can also be famous and make a lot of money through being a teen mum if they were so lucky to be cast on the show. If not, they can also start their own YouTube Channel and have a similar effect.  

As a parent, how do you overcome these external, environmental, and circumstantial challenges? There are so many variables to consider when supporting your teenager through the twists and turns of romance. It can feel like you are climbing over the hills that never end.  You think you are reaching the top, only to find out there’s another bent on the other side. It is ok if there’s another bend, or another wee hill you need to climb, or another footpath that you need to take or you simply get lost. You will always find your way and will continue to remain the most influential and important person to help your teenage children navigate this part of the journey because this is your PARENT POWER!  

10 Ways you can support teenage love and relationships

1. Having a good relationship with your teen: I can not stress how important it is to have a good relationship with your teenage children because this is the foundation of trust and safety. Your teenage children need to feel they can trust you to share their most worrying, terrifying, exciting, and maybe embarrassing thoughts and feelings with you. Without this, it’s impossible for them to open up to you about their romantic relationships. 

You may think I am the parent and why wouldn’t they want to share with me, we used to have such good relationships when they were younger. I know how you feel, but this may be a good reflective question for you to ask yourself why your teenage children stop sharing their feelings and thoughts with you. What is in the way? What changes? It can feel very rejecting and hurtful, but this is one important question you must ask yourself and find the solutions for it so that you can support your teenager in all aspects of their lives, not just their romantic relationships. 

2. Having Good Communication and Conversations: Creating a safe space for your teenager to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences is important. A space where they don't feel judged or feel bad that they have done something wrong even if and when they make bad decisions. It only takes ONE negative conversational experience with you for your teenage children to shut down any future conversations with you. 

When your teen feels comfortable talking to you, they are more likely to seek your guidance about the topic of love and relationships. Keep having conversations with your teenager about their romantic relationships, the excitement, the joy, and the sad and difficult parts too. If you are struggling with this, imagine you are speaking to your teenage children’s friends, it will make it easier for you to stay neutral and be curious about what your teenage children are sharing with you. 

3. Understanding their feelings: Take the time to understand the dynamics of teenage relationships. These may be their first encounters with love and romance, and emotions can run high. Empathy is key. Reflect on your own teenage experiences, and acknowledge the intensity of their feelings.

4. Teaching them about Healthy Relationships: Use this opportunity to teach lessons on healthy relationship habits. Emphasize the importance of communication, respect, and boundaries. Discuss the significance of equality and encourage your teen to express their needs and expectations in a relationship confidently. Their thoughts and feelings matter.

5. Focusing on Guidance not Control: While it's natural to feel protective, consider offering guidance instead of control. Teach them to make informed decisions by thinking through the pros and cons of their decisions with them. Your role is to provide a safety net while allowing them some levels of autonomy to navigate their relationships. 

Parents often feel that they can’t assert boundaries with their teenage children when it comes to their romantic relationships. Every family’s circumstances, values, and beliefs are different, it is not my role to tell you what’s allowed or not allowed in your household, but I truly believe that when asserting boundaries as a parent, it covers all areas of your teenage children’s lives. Why? Because your teenage children need boundaries to feel safe. It makes it easier for them to make appropriate decisions. It’s like we know when it’s a red light, we stopthe when it’s a green we go. We don’t need to think twice. 

6. Educating your teen on Consent and Boundaries: Ensure your teen understands the importance of consent, age of consent, and the concept of personal boundaries. Emphasize that respecting each other's boundaries is a fundamental aspect of any healthy relationship. Discuss the significance of clear communication in intimate situations.

I have been working in the social work world for nearly 3 decades and whilst teaching consent is important, we must not overlook the concerns around underage sex - which is a topic I will come back to in the future. In the interim, you can find out more information here

7. Learning about your relationship to Model Healthy Relationships: Teenage children learn by example. Model healthy relationships in your own life, whether it's with your partner, friends, or family. Your behavior serves as a powerful teaching tool. Take the 1st step to better understand your relationship patterns - how you relate, and how you repair a rupture in a relationship so that you can model this to your teenager which is absolutely vital for their future relationships.

8. Be their Support: Be the supportive figure your teen can turn to in times of joy or heartbreak. Celebrate their happiness and offer a listening ear during challenges. Your support builds trust and ensures that they feel comfortable seeking guidance when needed.

9. Stay Informed About Their World: Stay informed about the ever-evolving world of teenage relationships, from social media trends to modern communication methods. This knowledge enables you to offer relevant advice and understand the unique challenges they may face that is aligned with your family values and beliefs. 

10. Encourage Growth: Remind your teenager of the importance of individual growth and self-discovery. Encourage them to pursue their passions, friendships, and personal goals outside of their romantic relationships. Reinforce the idea that a healthy relationship complements, rather than defines, their identity.

As usual, start with 1 strategy and then make your way through it. 

Ok now back to my story - I took up the courage to confess my feelings to the boy I liked. He accepted my presents, said thank you and walked away. So the answer is NO, he didn’t like me back. 

It didn’t kill me, and I learned that this is just the beginning of my journey in relationships with boys.

If this brought up questions or uncertainty for you as a parent, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

You can work with me to think this through calmly and safely.

👉 Watch the masterclass or book a call to explore support.

Pei-I