Teenager and Screen time

What’s Really Going On Beneath the Scroll

Teenagers looking at console

Most parents I meet tell me the same thing:

“My teenager is addicted to their phone.”

They talk about endless scrolling, arguments over screen time, and the constant feeling that their child is “somewhere else.” But here’s something we don’t often ask:

What’s the phone actually giving them that they can’t find anywhere else?

Because when a teenager seems glued to a screen, it’s rarely just about the device. It’s about connection, belonging, and escape.

The Myth of “Teenage Addiction”

Yes, social media is designed to be addictive. Yes, TikTok and Instagram make time disappear. But before we label it as addiction, it helps to pause and ask:

• What are they escaping from?

• What are they finding on the phone that feels safer than real life?

• What might they lose if they put it down?

  
  

For many teens, the phone is a world where they can curate who they are — a world that feels easier to navigate than one filled with adult expectations, conflict, or uncertainty.

When parents see endless scrolling, they often see disconnection.When teens look at their screens, they often feel connection. Both are true.

The Double Standard No One Talks About

One thing that came up in the podcast is this: teenagers notice when their parents are on their phones too. They see the late-night scrolling, the constant checking, the “just a second” that turns into ten minutes.

So when parents say, “Get off your phone,” teens often think, “You first.”

It’s not about hypocrisy — it’s about modelling. Our relationship with technology sets the emotional tone at home.

So ask yourself:

• How often am I fully present with my teen?

• What message do I send when I pick up my phone mid-conversation?

• What might happen if we both agreed to take a short “phone sabbatical” — just for one meal or one walk?

  
  

What the Phone Represents

The phone isn’t the problem. It’s a mirror. It reflects what we’re missing — contact, control, or calm.

For teens, it’s a way to stay connected with friends and feel seen.For parents, it’s often work, responsibility, or a moment of escape from exhaustion.

Maybe the real issue isn’t the screen itself, but the relationship behind the screen.

Questions to Reflect On

• What role does the phone play in your home — connection or distraction?

• What might your teenager be avoiding or soothing through their phone?

• How can you invite curiosity instead of control when you talk about it?

• What would happen if you both agreed to learn self-discipline together, rather than making it a battle?

The Real Risk

We often focus on online dangers — bullying, exposure, or inappropriate content — and those are real. But the deeper risk is emotional isolation.When a teen spends hours online, it’s easy to lose the habit of real conversation. The antidote isn’t stricter limits — it’s stronger relationships.

Because when a teenager feels seen, safe, and heard, the phone slowly loses its power.

Final Reflection

Maybe “addicted to my phone” isn’t a statement about control. Maybe it’s a cry for connection — a sign that something in the real world feels too distant, too loud, or too hard to face.

So the question isn’t “How do I get my teen off their phone?” It’s,

“How do I make life off the phone feel worth coming back to?”

If You’re Struggling at Home

If phone use has become a source of daily conflict, you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Rainbow Parenting Practice, I help families rebuild communication and calm — even in the middle of digital chaos.

Together, we look beyond the phone to understand what your teenager’s behaviour is really saying.

You can learn more about how I work with families here.

P.S. If this topic resonates, you can listen to the full Teen Talk podcast episode “Addicted to My Phone” here.

P.P.S. There’s also a video version if you’d prefer to watch the conversation — you can find it here.