Toxic friends: what to do when your teen is hanging with the wrong crowd

Adolescence is a time of self-discovery and forging connections with peers, but not all associations are positive. When parents notice their teenagers associating with negative or toxic influences, it can be a cause for concern. In this blog post, we'll explore the whys, and effective strategies for parents to support and guide their teenagers through these challenging situations.

As a parent, it can be frustrating and concerning to see your teen surrounded by friends who seem to bring out the worst in them. But before jumping to solutions, it’s important to understand why they’re drawn to these friendships in the first place.

Here are a few reflective questions to help you shift from frustration to insight:

1️⃣ Understanding Your Teen’s Needs & Motivations - What is your teen getting from these friendships that they may not be getting elsewhere?

Teens often seek out relationships that meet emotional needs—whether it’s belonging, validation, or a sense of identity.

2️⃣ Exploring Their Emotional & Social Landscape- Do they feel more understood by their friends than by family members?

If your teen is struggling to connect at home, they may gravitate toward friendships—healthy or not—that make them feel seen.

3️⃣ Examining Their Decision-Making & Boundaries - Does your teen recognise the negative impact of these friendships?

Some teens know a friendship is unhealthy but fear loneliness, conflict, or rejection if they walk away.

4️⃣ Reflecting on the Family Dynamic - Have there been recent family conflicts that may make these friendships more appealing?

When home feels tense, teens may seek comfort in friendships—even if those relationships are unhealthy.

5️⃣ Shifting the Focus to Connection - How can I support my teen in developing stronger boundaries and decision-making skills?

Instead of banning friendships, guide them to recognise and navigate unhealthy dynamics for themselves. The best way to achieve this is to stay close and connected with your teen emotionally by listening to them, being curious, asking them what they like to do , who their friends are.

Try to understand the motivations behind these toxic connections. Your teenager may be seeking acceptance or validation, and addressing these underlying needs can help guide them toward healthier friendships.

Here are some additional strategies for you to consider...

1) Involving your teens in pro-social activities so that they can meet like-minded peers who share positive interests and values that they can also obtain a sense of belonging elsewhere.

2) Teaching your teen about friendship boundaries - teach your teen what peer pressure is and looks like. What makes a good friend and what makes a toxic friendship, how do they choose friends and how do they say no to request confidently without feeling the pressure. Help your teenager recognize the difference between positive influence and negative pressure. Equip them with the tools to make independent, thoughtful decisions, even in the face of peer influence.

3) Model Positive Relationships: Be a positive role model for healthy relationships. Demonstrate respectful and supportive interactions with your own friends and family. Children often learn by example, and your behaviour can influence their understanding of what constitutes a positive friendship.

4) Teach Conflict Resolution: Equip your teenager with skills for resolving conflicts and standing up for themselves assertively but respectfully. This can empower them to navigate challenging social situations and make decisions aligned with their values.

5) Involve Resources in your systems: Collaborate with teachers, professionals, neighbours or other trusted adults who may have insights into your teenager's social dynamics. They can provide additional support and guidance, both within the school environment and beyond.

6) Set Clear Expectations: Establish clear expectations and boundaries regarding behaviour and friendships. Help your teenager understand the values that are important to your family and the behaviours that are unacceptable. Consistent communication about expectations fosters a sense of accountability.

Parenting through challenging social situations requires patience, understanding, and proactive communication. By fostering a supportive environment, educating on positive relationships, and providing alternative opportunities, parents can guide their teenagers away from negative peer influences and towards healthier, more positive connections.

Remember, your role as a parent is not to control but to empower and guide, helping your teenager navigate the complexities of peer relationships and adolescence with resilience and strength.

Instead of asking, “How do I stop my teen from seeing these friends?” try asking, “How can I create an environment where they feel emotionally safe enough to make better choices?”

With that said, if you are struggling with your teenager at home, join Family therapy in your pocket membership and let me support you to navigate the challenges at home. Find out how you can work with me here.

Pei-I