If you’re struggling with your teenager’s behaviour — explosive outbursts, defiance, school refusal, or emotional shutdown — you’ve probably turned to school for support. Maybe they’ve offered a mentor, a behaviour plan, or even suggested a referral to external services. But despite all the meetings and paperwork, nothing seems to change. In fact, things may feel even worse. The truth is: School interventions aren’t built to address what’s really going on. It's the same thing when you send your teenagers for therapy (you can read more about it here ) In this blog, I’ll explain why schools often fail to help teens with complex behaviour, what most professionals miss about the family system, and — most importantly — what actually  creates lasting change at home. Why School Support Often Doesn’t Help Most school-based interventions are designed to manage behaviour within a classroom context — not to understand what’s happening underneath. Behaviour charts, isolation booths, detentions, or even praise strategies are often used as quick fixes. But when a teen’s behaviour is rooted in emotional overwhelm, trauma, family dysfunction, or neurodivergence, these strategies don’t reach the core of the issue. They may even reinforce a sense of shame or deepen the disconnect between child and adult. Parents are often told to wait for referrals, to monitor behaviour at home, or to consider medical options — all while the emotional climate in the home continues to deteriorate. What Schools Can’t See (And Why It Matters) Schools see your teen for a few hours a day — often through the lens of performance, behaviour, or attendance. They don’t see the after-school meltdowns, the silent car rides, the aggression, or the heartbreak. They don’t hear your teen screaming at 11 p.m., or see you crying in the bathroom. They can’t grasp the full weight of what’s happening in your family system — and they’re not meant to. Their role is academic. Your role is emotional leadership. That’s why waiting for school systems to create change at home often leaves families in deeper collapse — because no one is addressing the system where the behaviour actually lives. What Actually Works: Rebuilding the Emotional System The only way to create lasting change in teen behaviour is to rebuild the emotional and relational systems underneath it. This means shifting how your family functions under stress, how you respond in moments of rupture, and how safety is re-established inside the home. This work doesn’t start with the teen — it starts with you. Parents who shift their internal regulation, who learn how to interrupt the patterns of collapse, and who lead from containment (not control) begin to see their teen soften. The behaviour doesn’t just disappear — it transforms, because the system no longer needs to scream to be heard. You’re Not Failing — You’re Just Not Being Supported in the Right Way If you’ve tried teen therapy, strategies, or school plans and nothing has worked, it’s not because you’ve done something wrong. It’s because the solutions you were given weren’t designed to hold the depth of your family’s needs. You don’t need another behaviour plan. You need a full family reset. You need someone who can walk into the collapse with you — and guide you out without shame and fear. This Is Exactly Why I Created Restoring Harmony Restoring Harmony is a 90-day therapeutic support and recalibration container for families living in emotional survival. It’s for parents who’ve tried everything — and are ready to stop managing explosions and start healing what’s underneath. Inside Restoring Harmony, we work together to:- Interrupt aggressive or withdrawn patterns in real time- Rebuild trust, emotional safety, and communication- Shift your nervous system so you can lead from calm, not control- Create lasting behavioural and relational change from the inside out. If your family system feels broken — you are not alone. And you are not beyond repair. 👉 Click here to book a free consultation call for Restoring Harmony. You do n’t have to wait for school to see the problem. You can start leading the solution — from home, with support, and with the strategy that finally works. Pei-I There's always hope, endless hope.

Last week, I shared my thoughts on the things you need to consider when wanting to find a parenting specialist to help your family and WHEN you will need one.   Let's now look at one of the top 5 reasons why you will need a parenting and teen challenging behaviour specialist to help you. Top 1 reason: It can boost your confidence and skills as a parent, and offer you the support and reassurance you need  - we know there's no parenting manual to show you how to parent your teenage children. You learn how to parent through your own experiences of being parented. You are not always aware of how your past influences your future and present, and s ometimes, these past influences can create blind spots that hinder your ability to connect effectively. Sometimes you feel strong and confident and know exactly what you are doing and other times you may feel a bit lost and confused as to what you are doing as a parent. This is where a parenting specialist can be invaluable.    A good parenting and teen challenging behaviour specialist can ..   help address Specific Parenting Challenges and restoring harmony:  Everyone is saying teenagers are difficult and selfish, but every teenager is different. Your family is different. This means the difficulties you are facing as a parent are different. The challenges could be as generic as communication breakdowns, setting boundaries, managing emotions, conflicts at home, co-parenting challenges or navigating technology use, but the solutions need to be specific and tailor-made to meet your unique family circumstances. help you feel heard and understood , they create a safe space for you. This reduces the isolating feeling of inadequacy you experience. help you recognise your strengths and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Recognizing these achievements fosters a sense of self-efficacy and bolsters morale, reminding you that you are capable and effective even amidst challenges. offer reassurance that your struggles are shared, and give you the emotional support you need that's different from what a family and a friend can offer. offer you parenting practical tools and knowledge that are evidence-based; strategies and techniques are tailored to yo ur family's specific challenges, empowering you to feel prepared and proactive when facing difficult situations. I once worked with a parent who felt constantly criticized by their teenager. They felt lost and unsure how to respond. Through open conversations and role-playing techniques, we explored the parent's communication style and identi fied how it unintentionally triggered their teen's defensiveness. With new skills and a shift in perspective, the parent learned to communicate with empathy and clarity, leading to a stronger connection and more positive interactions. help you understand age-appropriate developmental information and offer you insights into your teenage children's behaviour patterns and growth stages to help you respond in ways that nurture your teenage children's development effectively. Through validation, knowledge sharing, and skills building, parenting specialists play a vital role in empowering parents to navigate the complexities of parenthood with increased confidence and competence. By providing a supportive environment, practical tools, and ongoing guidance, they help you embrace your strengths, overcome challenges, and confidently nurture your teenage children's growth. Everything you say and do matters to your teenage children, you become that inner voice and strength for them. It highlights how important and influential your role is as a parent. Don't wait until you feel overwhelmed. Investing in your family is an investment in your teenage children's well-being and your family's happiness.   Remember, you're not alone in this journey. With the right support and guidance, you can confidently nurture your teenager's growth and build a strong, lasting bond. If you’ve tried everything and nothing has worked — you’re not alone. Restoring Harmony was designed for families just like yours: where nothing on the surface explains what’s really going on, and standard strategies don’t work. Inside, you’ll uncover the hidden stories, unmet needs, and invisible dynamics driving your teen’s behaviour — and learn how to create real change at home. → [Book your Family Breakthrough Consultation Call here ] to begin. Because the sooner you understand the “why,” the faster things can shift. 🌈there's always hope, endless hope Pei-I

So far, I have shared that working with a parenting and teen behaviour specialist can help boost your confidence and skills as a parent, and offer you the support and reassurance you need when navigating the difficult journey ( read here ) and helping you seeing the unseen . There is no Parenting Manual for parenting teens with complex and difficult behaviour. Navigating your complex teenager’s world feels like flying blind without a compass. The truth is there’s no one-size-fits-all parenting manual, especially for unique challenges. But it doesn’t mean you can’t write your own Parenting Manual. You CAN become the author of your own, not just for you, but for your teenage children’s future because they learn how to parent their future children through their experiences of you. Before we dive in to look at what family scripts are and how a parenting specialist can help you help your teens. Let’s think about the ripple effect when you don’t seek help with your struggles at home with your teen’s behaviour, their mental health or any other concerning challenges. The connection you share with your teenager will continue to feel strained.  The stress of facing challenges alone can make it difficult to connect authentically, leaving both of you feeling isolated and misunderstood. The coping mechanisms you use, both healthy and unhealthy, become their blueprint.  Unprocessed stress and unresolved challenges can lead to coping mechanisms that your teenage children might unknowingly adopt, carrying into their own future. The struggles you face today could become a cycle that repeats.  When challenges go unaddressed, they can become patterns that get passed down unintentionally. Everything you do, don’t do, says or doesn’t say matter to your teenage children. It forms part of their parenting blueprint for the future. Now you think, what about the other parts? Read on please.. What is Family script and How is it developed? John Byng Hall (1995) defiend the family’s shared expectations of how family roles are to be performed within various contexts. They are repeat patterns of behaviour. They are invisible blueprints passed down through generations, shaping how you view yourself, your relationships, and how you parent. These scripts often formed subconsciously from past experiences and expectations, can help provide asense of belonging and tradition. But sometimes, they can become outdated or even harmful, creating unhealthy patterns that repeat without you being aware of it. In addition to your past experiences of being parented, the wider context  also influences your family script significantly (See Diagram below), which is often overlooked. Here are some examples of my own family script to help illustrate how wider context influences are so influential. Growing up in Taiwan back in my era, I observed how my mum looked after the whole family whilst juggling her business. She did it so well and so effortlessly. This became my script of a female role in the family. My whole family became Christians 30 years ago, and our faith has becomeour guiding principle when it comes to raising children in our family. What are the types of family script: Replicative Script – each parent has scenarios from childhood that keep repeating, often without your awareness. Corrective Script – Some childhood experiences may have been uncomfortable, and parents may attempt to avoid these with their own children. Improvising Script – improvised, and influenced by observing others.   Blended Script - When two adults come together in a relationship, they each bring their own script which must be blended if there is to be a harmonious relationship How can family script affect your parenting? Wider Context influences: Culture: Expectations and values around child-rearing vary greatly across cultures. Faith: Religious beliefs can significantly impact parenting practices. Specific rituals, dietary restrictions, and moral codes might be passed down through generations, shaping how families interact and communicate. Socioeconomic Class:  Families with limited resources might prioritize practical skills and survival. Families with greater resources might have more time for extracurricular activities and emotional exploration. Education: Parents with different educational experiences may prioritise various aspects of development. Family Context influences: Blind spots: You might unknowingly perpetuate unhealthy patterns from your own past experiences or/and having unhelpful beliefs driving your parenting practice, Being mindful of your family script can empower you to break free from negative patterns and create a more positive parenting experience. Here are some ways to become more aware: Reflect on your childhood: Think about recurring themes and dynamics in your family. What worked? What didn't? Don't dwell on the past as it's not what this exercise is about. Think about what influences your parenting : what are your thoughts, feelings and the influence of past experiences and wider context? Talk to your family: Discuss family dynamics and script with older relatives or siblings. Gaining different perspectives can be insightful. Practise Self-reflexivity – that is being curious about your own curiosity, feelings, meanings, and actions. Consider where they are coming from and how they drive your behaviour and interaction with your family. Most importantly, how they influence your parenting practice. It's important for you to be able to answer this question - why do you do what you do as parent. Seek professional guidance: As a parenting specialist, I can help you explore your scripts and rewrite them where necessary. Recognising and rewriting family scripts is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress, however small. By becoming more aware, you can break free from old patterns and create a more connected, authentic relationships with your teenage children, and yourself. Most importantly, you can make empowered parenting decision, feel confident in your parenting decision that can positively impact on Your teenage children's Development and rewrite your family story for Future Generations.   👉If you're ready to embark on this journey of discovery, reach out today and let's work together to unlock the hidden story and build a brighter future for you and your teenager. 👉If you’re holding it together in public but falling apart in private, you don’t have to carry this alone. Let’s find what safety feels like — for you and  your family. → Learn about Restoring Harmony and book your family breakthrough consultation call here Until then, Remember, 🌈there's always hope, endless hope Pei-I Explore John Byng-Hall's work on family script, including his book "Rewriting Family Scripts: Improvisation and Systems Change. Online resource - Family Scripts

If you have a teen that you are struggling with because of their challenging behaviour, I see you and feel your pain. It felt like everything you have tried is either worked for a fleeting moment or not worked at all, or it could be both. It is truly soul destroying and exhausting. However, before you really want to try any parenting strategies, you really need to better understand your unique family blueprint ( this is for some other time), and what it means by positive parenting and practices so that it's more likely that you will have any success in helping and parenting your teens with challenging behaviour. What is positive parenting? There’s much literature out there defining positive parenting. What I like the best is from Debbie Godfrey, she explained that positive parenting is about teaching and disciplining our children in ways that build their self-confidence/self-esteem and supports a respectful parent-child relationship without breaking your child’s spirit . These descriptions of positive parenting provide us a shared understanding for observing and thinking about parenting our children on daily basis. There is a long list of what positive parenting is. Some examples include, it provides unconditional love, it provides emotional affection, it sets boundaries…etc.; however, from my professional experiences, it is the practical strategies that parents are really yearning for. Questions such as what does it mean to be emotionally affectionate, how do I do that? what do boundaries mean and how can I set boundaries? How do I do this consistently? What does it mean if I am from a different cultural background and have different beliefs and values. How do I make it work for my family. I would love to answer all these questions and provide you with all the strategies you need in this blog; however, my intention of this blog is a small step to building a bigger picture. I would like to share a strategy that is manageable and can have an impact on your parenting straight away. Connecting with your teen is the most valuable strategy that I love to share with parents as we all know that when we have a good relationship with someone everything becomes easier. You are more tolerant, you accommodate, you trust, you have fun and enjoy being with the person. Same principle applies to our relationship with our children. When our teens truly connect with us, it builds positive relationship, promotes security and resilience, which in turn can help them with any future relationships they will have. I have deliberately provided you with only 1 strategy to try to truly connect with your child so that we can be focused and reap the fruition of this. You may already be familiar with them, if that’s the case, keep up the great work and continue to strengthen your relationship with your child Listening to your teenage child (embrace every opportunity they want to speak to you, be curious, ask questions and help problem solve and think through what they are sharing with you so that you can keep the conversation going). For example: mum I am hoping to have some money to buy an online game. Can I please have £50? that’s a lot of money, but I am interested in the game you are playing/wanting to buy. Tell me more about it. What is it about? I heard my colleague talking about the game with her son the other day… etc.. Building relationships take time, and allow yourself time and space every day to strengthen your relationship with your child. You will find this satisfying and enduring. until then 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope. Warmly Pei-I, Parenting Consultant and Expert P.S . I help parents parent their teens with challenging behaviour effectively and have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Here's the link to THE TTP METHOD if you would like to find out more about how I can help your family. https://www.rainbowparentingpractice.com/raisingthrivingteensaccelerator Once you get on to the website, Enter your information, and you will get all the secrets to how I make it possible to help families with challenging behaviour to have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Next I'd like to invite you to schedule your Raising Thriving Teens call where I will share with you the common threads that keep the challenges going at home and practical strategies to help you start moving things forward.

Many of us struggle with self confidence and have low self-esteem, including your teens. There are many contributing factors as to why your teens' behaviour is challenging ( again this is for another post), one thing we can be certain is that your teen is probably struggling with their self-confidence and esteem. Now picturing this going through their minds. Why am I different from my friends? My parents are arguing because of me, I am the problem I don't understand anything the Maths teacher was saying in class. I must be stupid. I can't do anything right because I keep failing. I am useless because my parents keep telling me that through their behaviour and words. Can you imagine how challenging it is for your teen to be able to feel good about themselves? It is why building self esteem in your teenager is so important. When one doesn't feel good about themselves, it creates an emotional injury, and everything just spirals from there. Speaking from my own experiences, growing up in an Asian culture, receiving and giving praises is an alien concept for me. This is because Asian parents believe in "tough love" and that praises are only worthy of giving when your children achieve excellence in everything. Whilst this helps teens to do better as essentially they all want to please their parents, the flip side of this is that teens will eventually struggle to recognise their own strengths and subsequently affecting their self-esteem as nothing is ever good enough. It is also more likely that they will end up being a perfectionist which can lead them to feeling crushed when making a mistake or falling short of perfection. I ended up being a perfectionist, and always aimed to strive for excellence. I struggled to see my strengths unless it's 200 percent perfect. I never felt good enough and it was crippling my life, my relationships with others, it also led me to some really bad decision around romantic relationships because I thought that was what I deserved and could have in a relationship. Wrong.. so wrong... I had to relearn, build self love, re-programme, reframe, and re-strengthen my core and my self-esteem. It was a heck of a journey. A journey that you could help avoid for your teens. Whilst Praises make your teens feel good about themselves and about what they achieve from a psychological perspective, it also needs to meet your family context, beliefs and cultural values so that it’s genuine and sustainable. It also communicates your feelings of being proud and expectations of your teens in a really explicit and expressive way. It is a positive way to strengthen their self esteem and promote desirable behaviour in your teens. If your teen is aggressive and takes 30 minutes to calm down, the next time it takes 29 minutes, you want to tell your teen that they did well by managing it better. This is a powerful and impactful strategy. It serves as a motivator and in the end of the day, your teens just want to hear from you what they are doing well and that you are proud of them. You can also praise for efforts in addition to their behaviour. This will motivate your teens and they are more likely to try harder next time. Now you may wonder how and when do you praise your teens. For some parents, it come natural and easy, and for others, a little practice would go a long way. When: basic principle is when you like what you see or hear what your teens do and say, praise them. How: Make sure it's genuine and specific. Don't exaggerate because your teens may not believe you. Some helpful Scripts: It was kind of you to help your younger brother. I am so proud of you and the efforts you put in as I know how hard that was. Wow, you have just tided up your room all by yourself. You should be proud. Continue to praise your teens on the daily basis as these will accumulate and help your teen build their self esteem in the long run. Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope Pei-I

Although nothing really prepares you for parenting, it doesn't mean that is it....😂 Let's start from the beginning. 1st, Nobody teaches you about how your child develops or what you need to do to make sure they develop well. Then everybody talks about how tricky it is to parent a teenager, but nobody shows you how to make it easier either. Everyone stumbles along, some families are lucky to have teenagers that don't rebel, some families struggle with their teens to the point that their families are at breaking point or in crisis. Although we have all been teenagers ourselves, it is a complete different story when it comes to parenting teenagers. Why? Your roles and responsibilities changed. Your perspectives changed. You stopped thinking like a teenager. However, there's something here that every parent can leverage. Think like a teenager, think about their needs and wants. Then think like a parent, how you can support them with their needs and wants within your boundaries and values. When you are able to perspective taking, and be in their shoes, your parenting strategies change accordingly. They also become more effective. For example: Your teen says no I don't want to go to school - don't go straight in to say " no, you need to go to school". think about their perspectives, is it possible they are struggling in school that we are not aware of? then find out what it is that makes them not want to go to school. In doing so, you can better understand your teens thoughts, and feelings which will help you problem solve with your teens and help them feel understood and heard. Warmly Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method . The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story. Start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

If your teen seems distant, angry, or like they’ve shut you out—it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means they’re in a season of growing complexity, and the connection between you is being tested. And let’s be honest: no one taught us how to emotionally connect with a teenager who slams doors, rolls their eyes, or says “leave me alone.” But connection is still possible—even in the hardest moments. As a family therapist with 30+ years of experience, I’ve supported countless families to restore emotional safety, rebuild trust, and reconnect after long periods of conflict or disconnection. Here are three of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your teen—even if it feels like you’ve tried everything. 1. Lead With Curiosity, Not Control It’s easy to go into “fix it” mode when your teen acts out. You want to correct the behaviour. Set the boundary. Deliver the consequence. But here’s the truth: when your teen is in emotional survival mode, what they need most isn’t control—it’s curiosity. Instead of asking, “Why would you say that?” or “What were you thinking?” try asking:– “Can you help me understand what happened just now?”  – “What did that moment feel like for you?”  – “What do you wish I understood better?” Curiosity creates safety. And safety creates space for honesty. You don’t have to agree with what they say. You just have to show that you care enough to ask. This one shift—less control, more curiosity—can soften even the most shut-down teen. 2. Repair First, Talk Later Many parents are told to “stay calm” and “don’t yell.” And while that advice isn’t wrong, it often misses the point. What matters more than staying calm is what happens after the rupture. When a blow up happens—your teen yells, storms off, or says something hurtful—don’t jump straight into teaching, lecturing, or consequence-setting. Instead, focus on repair. Try saying:– “That was a hard moment. I want to come back to it when we both feel safer.”  – “I know that didn’t feel good for either of us. I’m not here to punish—I’m here to understand.” This approach shows your teen that even when things go wrong, you’re still safe. Still present. Still holding the relationship. Repair isn’t about avoiding accountability—it’s about restoring emotional safety first. From there, real conversation becomes possible. 3. Make Micro-Moments Count Parents often think connection requires a big heart-to-heart or hours of uninterrupted time. But with teens, it’s often the small, consistent moments that matter most. This could be:– Sitting beside them while they scroll, without talking.  – Saying “I love you” when you hand them a snack.  – Making eye contact after a hard moment and offering a gentle nod. These micro-moments signal safety, presence, and unconditional care—even when words are hard. If your teen doesn’t want to talk, don’t force it. Just keep showing up. Keep seeing them. Keep being the adult who doesn’t give up. Over time, these tiny moments build trust. And trust rebuilds connection. You Don’t Need to Get It Perfect. You Just Need to Be Present Connecting with your teen doesn’t require perfection. It requires patience. Presence. And the willingness to lead, even when it feels messy. The truth is: your teen wants connection too. Even when they act like they don’t. If you’re ready to go deeper and create lasting change in your home, I invite you to take the next step. 🎯 Get your Parent- Teen Reset Week - I show you how you can connect with your teenagers in 5 day. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. And it’s never too late to rebuild. Warmly Pei-I, 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

I woke up at 2 AM thinking about my past relationships and my relationship with myself ( I think it’s the jet lag). 😣 To be fair, before I got married, I only had 3 relationships. ❌1st was for 3 months (My first love, totally broke my heart). ❌2nd was for about 10 years (on and off Rachel/Ross from Friends Scenario – a bad version of it). ❌3rd was for 3 years and didn’t get the happily ever after either. What I learned from my 3 relationships over the years were that… 😔I had very little confidence in myself 😕 I didn’t love myself enough and felt that love needed to be earned 😔 I craved to be loved and I literally would do anything to be loved. 🙄 I never felt good enough Which I believe are feelings that are commonly shared. Where did these feelings and beliefs come from? My childhood experiences, mainly my relationships with people who cared for me, who educated me and there was also my community and friends who affected how I saw myself back then…etc. 😭I was compared right left centre, I was made to feel stupid in school, I also had the middle child syndrome thinking despite all the love my parents showed me. I didn’t have many friends, I was said that I would never mount to anything by my teachers. 😭I was never skinny or smart enough, I didn’t get any compliment or praise from anyone (culturally normal), I was smacked in school ( it was just how adults disciplined children in my era), I was never sporty or arty enough to win any competition or awards, I was never able to truly share my thoughts and feelings. I was feeling insignificant. I knew my parents love me dearly but there were other contexts and systems that were influencing how I felt. Knowing what I know now, I wish there was help for professionals, and parents with parenting back then, so my parents and many other professionals would have known ✅ how to build teens’ self-confidence, ✅ how to make them feel special ✅ how to teach them to speak up and always share their thoughts and feelings as they truly matter ✅ how to accept who they are and love themselves unconditionally Being a parent is the most admirable profession in the world, there will be days you feel amazing and rewarding being a parent, but there will be days you feel completely rubbish about being a parent. They are both normal. You are a parent, but there’s also a little boy and girl inside you. Look after them so that you can look after your teens well. You may feel that your teen hates you, and doesn’t want to speak to you, or hang out with you. You may feel lost about their difficult behaviour, their emotional and mental health struggles, and any other aspects of their teenage life. It’s ok and you are not alone. Just to make sure that despite of these feelings… Make them feel special, feel loved, feel empowered, feel confident, feel accepted and feel efficient and valued. So that they can thrive and continue to grow and navigate the most challenging part of life journey – being a teenager. So that they can have a better relationship with themselves and future others. You absolutely can and are the most influential person in your teen’s life despite the fact that there are others in their lives. They will always circle back to you. Start today, 1 small change and 1 step at a time. If you don’t know how, join 5 day p arent-teen reset and I will show you how to break the negative cycles of interactions and start building a positive relationship wit your teenager. 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope Pei-I

The majority of parents really struggle with their teens from time to time or all the time. They feel that they have lost their children when they turn into teenagers. They also often feel that they are not set up for success as parents as there are too many challenges that they have never been taught about how to manage and navigate this unique part of the parenting journey. They google, they attend parenting classes or parenting programmes, and nothing seems to have worked for them. They continue to see their teens struggle, and continue to watch their family fall apart right in front of their very eyes. It’s really scary. They are full of anger, frustration, sadness, pain, guilt but among all the feelings, the feeling of failure is the most prevalent. They feel that they have failed their children and that’s why they behave the way they do. They feel that they have failed as a parent as they don’t seem to be able to do everything helpful to make things better at home for everyone. They feel that they have failed their family and it’s because of them that their family is breaking up and suffering. If you feel this way, don't be. You are not the villain in the story. The villain is the " 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧" and " 𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬" that are specific enough to help parents and their teens’ unique circumstances. Let's start from the beginning. 1st, nobody teaches you about how your teen develops or what you need to do to provide them with the care that they can develop well. Then everybody talks about how tricky it is to parent a teenager, but nobody shows you how to make it easier either. If your teen has additional needs, the support out their with parenting is literally none-existent. Everyone stumbles along, some families are lucky to have teenagers that don't rebel. some families struggle with their teens to the point that their families are at breaking point or in crisis. Again, nobody is teaching parents why and what can contribute to the struggles their teens are going through, nobody is showing parents how to help their teens and how to navigate the challenging behaviour they are presenting. A good example is that if/and after your teen is diagnosed with Autism, you are pretty much left alone after that. Although we have all been teenagers ourselves, it is a completely different story when it comes to parenting teenagers. I know how you feel, your doubts you have in your mind about yourself as a parent, and your worry about messing up your teenager. You are not alone. There were many points in my life where I felt like a failure… But really though? I felt like a failure when I came to Scotland to get my Masters in Art Therapy. I failed on one of my assignments, and I was kicked out of the course. Period. there was no discussion and no negotiation after I spent £9000 plus pound on the course (this was nearly 20 years ago). I was devastated, I was angry, I was disappointed, I was lost, and I was sad. I felt like a failure. But the reality and my truth were that I didn't get the support I needed as a foreign student, I didn't know where to, who and how to ask for support. There was nothing for me and I didn't know what I was doing. It's the same about being a parent, sometimes you may have similar feelings, and often life throws things at you and life circumstances change. Sometimes you may not know what you are doing and it's ok. Fortunately, I went on to another course and was supported from the get go to the day I obtained my qualification because I learned once again to ask for help, the right kind of help that truly empowered me. I am now on to my 4th Masters, and it's all because I have learned to seek help. Reach out for help and it is absolutely ok to not knowing what you are doing as a parent and be supported. When you feel like a bad mum... Focus on what you are doing really well and celebrate them – big style. These two steps are how you regain your empowerment as a mum and get rid of the mum guilt. Warmly Pei-I, Parenting and Teen challenging behaviour specialist @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S. I empower high-achieving mums to help their troubled teens who get stuck in patterns of challenging behaviour with ease, success and have a harmonious family life in 90 days using TTP Method . The quickest, most effective and most impactful method to strengthen your family connections and change your family story. Start with your Raising Thriving Teens 5 Day Mini Taste? Book here Until then, Remember 🌈There’s always hope, endless hope

I have been watching the Netflix show “Ultimatum”. If you have not seen it, it’s basically about people giving each other ultimatum by going through a period of experience living with another person to find out if they want to marry the person they come in with. I am so addicted to it and fascinated by the psychology and human behaviour behind it. If you think about it, has any of your ultimatum worked? Or if any ultimatum you have received change you what you want and need, or make you behave differently? If yes, then you are not really being true to yourself. Your temporary compliance is based on fear, not what you need and desire. You will break eventually. 😣 The most common things I heard from parents are.. “If you don’t change how you behave, you will be out of here when you are 16”. “ If you don’t do this, you are going to be grounded forever”. “ If this continues, then I am divorcing you”. We say things when we are angry, frustrated or possibly after a long time of feeling being built up. You just have had enough. 😔 You then snap and threaten Give ultimatums… 😥 It’s a survival instinct because your body mind soul is telling you, you can’t keep doing this anymore, but you are struggling to stop or change things at the front end of the sequence. It just builds up over time. I have been there myself many times. I compromised my needs and wants. I gave other people the first refusal. Where did it get me...?? I gave ultimatums and eventually I was still back at square 1. Over the years, I have learned to stay true to my needs and wants. I am not asking people to prioritise me. I am asking myself to prioritise me every time and all the time. Then what happens next is truly beautiful. People change around me because of my change. The energy changes, the interaction changes, the behaviour changes, the relationship changes and so on. It all starts from me focusing on things I can change from my end. It’s a ripple effect. I am not saying it’s easy because there will be resistance from others. People will fight back. What always grounds me is me focusing on my dance move, not others. Whether it’s about you struggling to co-parent with your partner or whether it’s about you struggling to help your teens, or manage their challenging behaviour.. Giving yourself the permission to prioritise yourself your needs, wants, and desires. When you shift your focus, things change beautifully. Remember, 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope Warmly Pei-I Parenting and Teen Expert @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S . I help parents parent their teens with challenging behaviour effectively and have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Here's the link to THE TTP METHOD if you would like to find out more about how I can help your family. https://www.rainbowparentingpractice.com/raisingthrivingteensaccelerator Once you get on to the website, Enter your information, and you will get all the secrets to how I make it possible to help families with challenging behaviour to have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Next I'd like to invite you to schedule your Raising Thriving Teens call where I will share with you the common threads that keep the challenges going at home and practical strategies to help you start moving things forward.

My parents were successful entrepreneurs back in their time. I was privileged growing up. We had nice cars, expensive clothes, regular trips abroad and more. When I was 13 years old, my dad bought us ( me and my siblings) a house across from our home. His business was expanding so he needed more space. But most importantly, he wanted us to start to learn to be independent. It was horrifying for us. We struggled for a wee while, but with support from my parents, we got there.. My parents taught us ""HOW". We had our routine in both houses, but by end of day, we returned to the house my parents bought us. We would get on with our homework, watch telly, play games, argue of course, we knew what time to go to bed, and what time to get up for school and breakfast…etc. Now you are probably thinking what has it got to do with anything.. Well… Everything.. ✅Your teens grow up regardless, it’s a given. ❌ But their skills don’t. They don’t just grow up to know how to cook, how to problem solve, how to make friends, how to talk about their feelings, how to overcome challenges, how to feel good about themselves… They learn from you. They learn from what you teach them, show them and what you experience with them. There’s No parenting manual to teach you how to be a parent. ✅You parent your children/teens from your experiences of being parented by your parents. 😁You may catch yourself sometimes acting like your parent, and went, OMG.. “I hated that when my parents did that to me”.. I heard this often.😁 You are not alone. ✅The anxieties of not always knowing what to do when your teens say or do something. ✅The worries of your teens’ friendships and future are real. ✅The understanding of your own journey and the impact it has on you and your teens is not something you can learn easily from googling. 💪Be the parents you are aspired to be to guide your teen through the most challenging life cycle and allow you, your teens and family to enjoy this journey together. ❌Rid the should and shouldn't ✅teach your teens skills, teach them "HOW" to.... Message me if you need help. Remember, 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope Warmly Pei-I Parenting and Teen Expert @ Rainbow Parenting Practice P.S . I help parents parent their teens with challenging behaviour effectively and have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Here's the link to THE TTP METHOD if you would like to find out more about how I can help your family. https://www.rainbowparentingpractice.com/raisingthrivingteensaccelerator Once you get on to the website, Enter your information, and you will get all the secrets to how I make it possible to help families with challenging behaviour to have a harmonious family life in 90 days. Next I'd like to invite you to schedule your Raising Thriving Teens call where I will share with you the common threads that keep the challenges going at home and practical strategies to help you start moving things forward.

Parenting today isn’t what it was a generation ago. There’s more pressure, more noise, more to juggle. You’re trying to hold a career, relationships, household responsibilities, and your own mental health—while raising a teen who might be angry, distant, or hard to reach. You want to be the calm, present parent. But life throws curveballs. Stress builds. Reactions happen. And before you know it, another evening has passed, and you barely looked your child in the eye. It’s not that you don’t care. In fact, you care so much it hurts. That’s what makes it so painful when your teen pulls away or lashes out. You remember who they used to be—the child who reached for your hand without hesitation. And now? You feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your own home. And still—you keep going. You show up for work. You cook the meals. You get everyone out the door. But deep down, you’re wondering: is this what parenting is supposed to feel like? As a systemic family psychotherapist, I’ve seen this over and over again. You’re not failing as a parent. You’re operating within a family script that shaped you long before your child was born. Maybe you were taught to shut down when things got tense.  Maybe you grew up with shouting as the norm.  Maybe you’ve never had a model for calm, connected parenting—because no one showed you what that looks like. And now, your teen is pushing you away—or pushing your buttons—and everything in your nervous system screams: retreat or react. That’s not weakness. That’s survival. But survival doesn’t build connection. And if you want to restore harmony in your home, you need something different. Disconnection can look like silence, sarcasm, or screaming.  It shows up when your teen slams the door after one word. When they mock you in front of others. When you ask how their day was and they say “fine” with their back turned. These aren’t just behaviours. They’re cues. They're signals that your teen no longer feels emotionally safe in the relationship—and that their survival mode is active. So is yours. That’s why simply setting more boundaries or trying to “stay calm” isn’t working. You’re in a loop. A cycle. A pattern passed down, acted out, and reinforced. And until someone helps you see it through a systemic lens, you’ll keep trying harder—and feeling like it’s not enough. Here are a few questions to help you make a start: Who showed me how to make connections with others growing up—and now? How was anger or big emotion handled in my home when I was a teen? What role did I play in my family growing up? What unspoken rules were passed down about love, respect, or obedience? When I react to my teen, whose voice am I echoing? Where do I feel safe to express emotion—and where do I still shut down? What story do I carry about what it means to be a 'good parent'? How do I expect my teen to behave—and where might those expectations come from? These questions are powerful because they help parents shift from "What’s wrong with my teen?"  to "What patterns are we both caught inside?" Your relationship with your teen can heal. You can reconnect. And you don’t have to wait for the “perfect moment” or a massive crisis to begin. What your teen needs most isn’t perfection. It’s presence. They need to feel that, even when they’re struggling—even when they’re angry or distant—you’re still there. You’re still leading. You’re still holding the relationship. That’s how trust is rebuilt. That’s how safety grows. And you don’t have to do it alone. Inside the Parent Teen Reset , I show you how you can move from confusion and conflict to calm connection, how you can understand the emotional patterns in your home, identify the blocks to trust, and help you start showing up with clarity, calm, and confidence. This isn’t about fixing your teen. It’s about changing the emotional script that keeps pulling you both into survival mode. Because the truth is: when a parent learns how to lead from emotional safety, the whole family shifts. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or lost… this is your next step.🎯 Get your Parent Teen Reset Here Warmly Pei-I 🌈 There's always hope, endless hope.