You are "IT " for your teens' relationship with themselves and future others

I woke up at 2 AM thinking about my past relationships and my relationship with myself ( I think it’s the jet lag). 😣

To be fair, before I got married, I only had 3 relationships.

❌1st was for 3 months (My first love, totally broke my heart).

❌2nd was for about 10 years (on and off Rachel/Ross from Friends Scenario – a bad version of it).

❌3rd was for 3 years and didn’t get the happily ever after either.

What I learned from my 3 relationships over the years were that…

😔I had very little confidence in myself

😕 I didn’t love myself enough and felt that love needed to be earned

😔 I craved to be loved and I literally would do anything to be loved.

🙄 I never felt good enough

Which I believe are feelings that are commonly shared.

Where did these feelings and beliefs come from?

My childhood experiences, mainly my relationships with people who cared for me, who educated me and there was also my community and friends who affected how I saw myself back then…etc.

😭I was compared right left centre, I was made to feel stupid in school, I also had the middle child syndrome thinking despite all the love my parents showed me. I didn’t have many friends, I was said that I would never mount to anything by my teachers.

😭I was never skinny or smart enough, I didn’t get any compliment or praise from anyone (culturally normal), I was smacked in school ( it was just how adults disciplined children in my era), I was never sporty or arty enough to win any competition or awards, I was never able to truly share my thoughts and feelings.

I was feeling insignificant.

I knew my parents love me dearly but there were other contexts and systems that were influencing how I felt. Knowing what I know now, I wish there was help for professionals, and parents with parenting back then, so my parents and many other professionals would have known

✅ how to build teens’ self-confidence,

✅ how to make them feel special

✅ how to teach them to speak up and always share their thoughts and feelings as they truly matter

✅ how to accept who they are and love themselves unconditionally

Being a parent is the most admirable profession in the world, there will be days you feel amazing and rewarding being a parent, but there will be days you feel completely rubbish about being a parent. They are both normal.

You are a parent, but there’s also a little boy and girl inside you.

Look after them so that you can look after your teens well.

You may feel that your teen hates you, and doesn’t want to speak to you, or hang out with you.

You may feel lost about their difficult behaviour, their emotional and mental health struggles, and any other aspects of their teenage life.

It’s ok and you are not alone.

Just to make sure that despite of these feelings…

Make them feel special, feel loved, feel empowered, feel confident, feel accepted and feel efficient and valued.

So that they can thrive and continue to grow and navigate the most challenging part of life journey – being a teenager.

So that they can have a better relationship with themselves and future others.

You absolutely can and are the most influential person in your teen’s life despite the fact that there are others in their lives. They will always circle back to you.

Start today, 1 small change and 1 step at a time.

If you don’t know how, join 5 day parent-teen reset and I will show you how to break the negative cycles of interactions and start building a positive relationship wit your teenager.

🌈 There's always hope, endless hope

Pei-I