Teen Substances Use and Abuse

What’s Really Going On Beneath the Behaviour

A vibrant array of colorful pills and capsules float gracefully against a soft blue background, evoking a sense of surreal suspension.

When you hear the phrase “teenagers and substance misuse,” what comes to mind?

Be honest with yourself for a moment.

Do you think of danger? Addiction? Bad influences? Maybe even failure — “Where did I go wrong?”

It’s understandable. Those associations are deeply cultural. We’ve been taught to see drug use as a moral failing, not a message.

But in thirty years of working with young people and their families, I’ve learned something different: Substance use is rarely about the substance itself. It’s a symptom — a signal that something inside a teenager is hurting, stuck, or searching. And of course, substance misuse is a complex matter becasue there are also contextual and environmental factors that need to be considered.

Regardless, rather than starting with fear or blame, what if we started with curiosity?

The Negative Lens We Inherit To See Teen Substance Use

Culturally, we’re quick to label. If someone uses drugs, we call them a drug addict, a bad influence, a lost cause. Families often internalise those judgments — What will people think of us? What does this say about our values?

But labels close doors that curiosity could open.They make it harder to see what’s actually happening beneath the behaviour.

Because not all teenagers who use substances are the same. Some are self-medicating anxiety or depression. Some are experimenting. Some are trying to fit in with friends. Some are simply overwhelmed by life and don’t yet have healthier ways to cope.

Why Teenagers Use

If you ask your teen why they’re using, you may not get an honest answer — or they might not even know themselves. But behind every behaviour is a story.

For some, substances bring temporary relief:

“When I smoke, I don’t feel so anxious.”“It helps me relax.”

For others, it’s about belonging:

“Everyone in my group does it — I don’t want to be the odd one out.”

And sometimes, it’s imitation:

If my parents can, why can't I?

Others use drugs because home feels tense, chaotic, or emotionally unsafe. Some might not know how to say no to peer influences or some maybe groomed or coersed to use.

As you can see that they’re not rebelling against their parents; they are escaping, they are being influenced, they lack skills to stay safe, they may aslo be an environment that feels too heavy to hold.

That doesn’t mean the parents are “bad.” It means some stories are being missed along the journey. It could be a rupture, could be an incidnt that happens in school, could be a friend you don't know about....

Seeing Behaviour as a Symptom

When your teenager uses substances, it’s easy to focus on stopping the behaviour - which is the end goal. What you need to focus on is the process. Because behaviour is just the cough. It’s not the infection.

During the pandemic, if someone coughed or had a fever, we didn’t just tell them to stop coughing — we looked for the cause. The same is true here.

Substance use says, “I’m not okay.”Your job isn’t to react to the smoke — it’s to find the fire.

Ask yourself:

• What might my teenager be trying to escape or soothe?

• What’s happening in our home or outside home that might feel too intense to manage?

• Do they feel safe enough to talk to me about what’s really going on?

  
  

The Parents’ Perspective

For parents, this can feel devastating. You want to help but you’re scared. You worry about their health, their friends, their future.You might feel ashamed, angry, or helpless — all at once.

But before you act, pause.Ask yourself:

• Do I truly understand what’s driving this behaviour?

• Am I reacting out of fear or responding out of understanding?

• What does my teenager need from me — boundaries, yes, but also safety and trust?

Because until your teen feels emotionally safe with you, no boundary will hold.

The Teenagers’ Perspective

And if you’re a teenager reading this — or if you want to understand your teen better — remember this: No substance can fix what’s underneath. It can only numb it.Whatever pain you’re trying to quiet — anxiety, pressure, loneliness — it deserves attention, not avoidance.

There are other ways to feel calm. Other ways to feel alive. But you’ll need people around you who help you find those ways — teachers, mentors, therapists, family, trusted adults.

And parents — your job is to become one of those safe people again.

Where to Begin

You can start by thinking less about punishment and more about partnership.

• Does my teen feel understood at home?

• Do I know what triggers their stress or sadness or other feelings that I am not aware of?

• How can I open conversations without turning them into interrogations?

  
  

And perhaps most importantly:

“Can my teenager trust me with their truth?”

If not, that’s where your work begins.

A Final Reflection

Teen substance use isn’t the story of bad kids or failed parents. It’s the story of pain trying to find expression. It’s the symptom, not the root cause.

And when you shift your lens from judgment to understanding, something extraordinary happens — the tension softens, and the relationship becomes the medicine.

If You Need Support

If your teenager is struggling with substance use, or if your family feels trapped in a cycle of conflict, please don’t face it alone.

At Rainbow Parenting Practice, I help families uncover the reasons behind challenging behaviour, rebuild safety and trust, and create calm in the home — without shame or blame.

You can learn more about how I work with parents and teens here.

Because when you start seeing behaviour as communication — not defiance — that’s when real change begins.

P.S. You can listen to the full podcast episode “Substance Misuse in Teenagers” here.